Comments on: Discussing Adoption with School Age Children http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2010/discussing-adoption-with-school-age-children/ Thu, 09 May 2013 18:00:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.1 By: Single Adoptive Mother, Edie Falco, Talks to Her Kids About Being Adopted http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2010/discussing-adoption-with-school-age-children/comment-page-1/#comment-802 Single Adoptive Mother, Edie Falco, Talks to Her Kids About Being Adopted Tue, 01 May 2012 17:09:48 +0000 http://adoptionhelp.org/blog/?p=123#comment-802 [...] from other adoptive families who talk to their children about adoption. In a previous post “Discussing Adoption with School Age Children,”the importance of talking to children about their adoption is to phrase it in a way that [...] [...] from other adoptive families who talk to their children about adoption. In a previous post “Discussing Adoption with School Age Children,”the importance of talking to children about their adoption is to phrase it in a way that [...]

]]> By: AdoptAuthor http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2010/discussing-adoption-with-school-age-children/comment-page-1/#comment-58 AdoptAuthor Sat, 29 May 2010 13:23:18 +0000 http://adoptionhelp.org/blog/?p=123#comment-58 HOW to discuss grief and loss is whole other article in itself...and also while these feelings may emerge around 5-8 years of age...discussing them does not make them disappear. They WILL resurface or be kept deep inside, but they will not simply go way.<br><br>I think more than being "discussed" they need to have the feelings VALIDATED and to be given permission to share them, knowing that doing so will not hurt their adoptive parents or their relationship with them. <br><br>Birthparents not able to have "any" child? That pat answer is surely not applicable for all - or even most - circumstances. What if the adoption is open and they do have other children? or have other children by the time the meet them?<br><br>Perhaps it is better to simply to ensure the child the problems that led to them being placed were the birthparents' and had nothing to with them, adding whatever might be known, e.g. age, finances, social stigma...in age appropriate language of course.<br><br>Mirah Riben, author, The Stork Market: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry HOW to discuss grief and loss is whole other article in itself…and also while these feelings may emerge around 5-8 years of age…discussing them does not make them disappear. They WILL resurface or be kept deep inside, but they will not simply go way.

I think more than being “discussed” they need to have the feelings VALIDATED and to be given permission to share them, knowing that doing so will not hurt their adoptive parents or their relationship with them.

Birthparents not able to have “any” child? That pat answer is surely not applicable for all – or even most – circumstances. What if the adoption is open and they do have other children? or have other children by the time the meet them?

Perhaps it is better to simply to ensure the child the problems that led to them being placed were the birthparents' and had nothing to with them, adding whatever might be known, e.g. age, finances, social stigma…in age appropriate language of course.

Mirah Riben, author, The Stork Market: America's Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry

]]> By: Kindra http://www.adoptionhelp.org/blog/2010/discussing-adoption-with-school-age-children/comment-page-1/#comment-57 Kindra Sat, 29 May 2010 01:09:55 +0000 http://adoptionhelp.org/blog/?p=123#comment-57 Every situation is different, but saying that the decision was based on that they were not able to parent any child is not always true. My daughter was born between 2 children (each a year apart) her birthmother kept because she knew who their father's were. Since my daughter has an unknown bf she was not able to support her alone. So yes this is because of circumstance but not going to be an easy one to explain, and using "not able to parent ANY child" won't work for us. Every situation is different, but saying that the decision was based on that they were not able to parent any child is not always true. My daughter was born between 2 children (each a year apart) her birthmother kept because she knew who their father's were. Since my daughter has an unknown bf she was not able to support her alone. So yes this is because of circumstance but not going to be an easy one to explain, and using “not able to parent ANY child” won't work for us.

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