It’s a good idea to think about talking to your child about their adoption story before they begin asking questions. If you begin using positive adoption language from the very beginning, they will learn it too and there won’t be anything “odd” or “uncomfortable” about it. Children learn the words that they hear and they will learn the appropriate adoption terms from you the same way they will learn to say “milk” or “up”. Infants don’t understand when you tell them “I love you!” but you say it anyway and they learn that the words you are saying are happy words because you are smiling and cuddling or giving hugs and kisses as you say those words. The same will be true when you talk about their adoption story.
Children are very literal thinkers, so it’s best to create concrete examples of their adoption story so they can understand it better. Think about taking photos throughout your journey-outside the adoption agency during your first visit there, when you meet with a potential birthmother, etc. That way you can scrapbook your journey and share with your child. Seeing photos and reading words with you will make it more real and easier for them to understand. You can also blog about it or keep another type of journal and read it together. Keep a photo of the birthparents and/or birthfamily on the mantle. Buy children’s books to keep on your child’s bookshelf about adoption. It doesn’t have to turn into reading a story about adoption, but simply, reading a story. This is really going to normalize their experience and help them understand that families are created in many different ways. There are exceptional children’s books on adoption, single parent families, same sex partner families, stepfamilies, children raised by grandparents, etc. All families are made in their own way; adoption was just the way yours was made.
To be continued…
