Comments on: Using Positive Adoption Language

By: Michelle Keyes

Michelle Keyes — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 18:06:00 +0000

It is appropriate to use the term “birthmother”, but oftentimes another name is designated for the birthmother. This is something to discuss with her and decide if the child will call her by her first name or another name you choose (some adoptive families will use “mother” in another language for example). However, when explaining to your child who that person is, it’s appropriate to say, for example, “That’s Michelle, she’s your birthmother”. This would be similar to explaining who anyone in your family is (i.e. “That’s Papa-he’s your grandfather”).

By: Guylaine Hubbard-Brosmer

Guylaine Hubbard-Brosmer — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 18:02:00 +0000

Birthmother is a difficult term to come up with alternatives since it really describes her role in the child’s life, just like the term grandmother does. The majority of my clients, and my own children as well, have called their birthmothers by their first names. You could get creative and use such a term as “bmama”, but there is no “standard” out there that is commonly used.

By: Guylaine Hubbard-Brosmer

Guylaine Hubbard-Brosmer — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 17:56:00 +0000

Also, Adoptive Families Magazine publishes a whole list of Positive Adoption Language terms and gives both the “negative” comment, as well as the positive term. From the adoptive parent’s perspective, it is useful to understand why some terms are considered negative. For example, to take one of Michelle’s comments, referring to a child as an adoptee is appropriate and positive, as is saying your child WAS adopted instead of IS adopted. Adoption is the process by which you became a family and occurred in the past. Your child is not currently ‘adopted’, but can be referred to as an adoptee.

By: Noemail

Noemail — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 01:48:00 +0000

Thanks for the example. Can you tell alternatives for birthmother?

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