The first tip from Coach T was to prepare.

In cross country, this involved stretching and coming to the race with a good attitude. Muscles needed to be warmed up for the grueling work ahead. A positive attitude kept the mind focused so that I could “push through the pain.”

In adoption, preparation is also important. My husband and I spent months researching adoption and deciding what path was right for us. We talked about our expectations, made a plan for our finances, and gathered our friends and family for emotional and prayer support.

The second tip from Coach T was to pace yourself.

Cross-country races are not sprints. At a sprint pace, I would run out of breath and wouldn’t be able to draw upon the resources needed to finish the race.

Adoption is not a sprint either. For most of us, our adoption journey involves a long distance run. Some of us are one milers, some two milers, for some it may even seem like a marathon. The longer the journey, the more important pacing is. We could easily be consumed by all the work involved in adoption: the homestudy, the birthmother letter, and networking. Pacing ourselves, by setting small, manageable goals and taking breaks, is the best way to ensure success.

The third tip from Coach T was to press in.

In cross-country the course is varied. There are flat runs, twists and turns, uneven ground and even obstacles like steep hills to overcome. Coach T taught us that the most important time to press in was when there was an obstacle. Most runners lose steam going up a hill, so he taught us to take that opportunity to push harder and pass up our opponent. There is something very empowering about tackling a hill at 100 percent.

In adoption, there will inevitably be obstacles along the way: failed matches, long waits, delayed paperwork. This is the time to press in even harder. Facing these obstacles head-on will help us to grow stronger. This is the time to draw upon the resources of your faith, friends, and family.

The final tip from Coach T was to persist.

Finishing the race is what really matters. As I said before, I was not the fastest or strongest runner, but I enjoyed finishing the race. Whether I finished first or last, it didn’t matter as long as I did my personal best.

The adoption journey takes a lot of patience and persistence. There are days when it would be easy to give up, but then we would miss out on the prize of parenthood. It doesn’t matter whether we are first or last as long as we keep running and finish the race! Hebrews 12:1 “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

The open in our open adoption journey began with the homestudy.  I like to describe it as an application process on steroids.  There were forms to fill out on work history, educational history, family history, and financial history.  We were each required to write a mini autobiography, plus mini essays on a myriad of topics such as our desire to adopt, infertility, and parenting values.  Next came visits to the doctor’s office for a complete physical and to the jail to be fingerprinted.  After that were interviews, together and separately, and finally a visit to our home (for the home inspection part of the homestudy).  Whew!  It WAS a lot of work, but it was important work.  Going through the process forced us to evaluate whether we were ready to adopt- which happily we were!

The next part of the process, delving deeper into openness, was the “Dear Birthmother Letter.”  Think of first impressions and blind dates.  What do you say to someone who is considering choosing you as the parents of their baby?  How do you communicate the whole of your life, your personality, and your passion and dreams in a few short pages and a dozen photos?  I can tell you from experience, it is not an easy task!  Jim and I often found ourselves obsessing over details- Does our smile look natural in this picture?  Should we use the word friendly or affectionate to describe our cat?  Does this picture have enough action in it?  We often had to remind ourselves to simply be ourselves.  We are not trying to connect with every potential birthmother out there- we just need to connect with one- the one!

We are currently in the most open part of our adoption journey so far- networking!  This was the biggest step to take.  We are no longer just “opening up” to our agency or potential birthmothers.  We are now letting the whole world (ok, the part of the world our friends, family, and facebook can reach) know that we are adopting and asking for help.  Through our two websites, facebook page, blog, letters, emails, and conversations we are inviting others (you) into a very intimate part of our life-our journey to become parents.  So although it takes courage, we are committed to sharing openly with you our hopes, our dreams, our pain, our struggles, our tears, and our joys.  We will swallow our pride and ask you to pass along the link to our website or to pray for us when we are having a rough day.  We will live in our “glass house” and allow you to see the real us!  Scary? Yes!  Risky?  Maybe. Worth it? Definitely!

When we do become parents- and we believe with all our hearts that we will- we will JOYFULLY and OPENLY celebrate with all of you!

About the author:
Amy Thomas, and her husband Jim, are IAC clients waiting to adopt their first child. They reside in Susanville, CA and are excited to start their family through open adoption. If you would like to learn more about them visit: http://www.jimandamyadopt.com/
If you want to follow them on their adoption journey, tune in to their blog:http://jimandamyhopingtoadopt.blogspot.com/

Jim and I recently went to watch “Kung Fu Panda II.” We expected to enjoy Pixar’s great animation (and we did!). We expected a good storyline and lots of laughs (We were not disappointed). But we were also pleasantly surprised with an adoption story that although sprinkled with a big dose of Hollywood drama contained some very good lessons about adoption.

I should mention here that if you haven’t watched the movie and plan to, you may want to read the rest of this blog later (unless you are someone who likes to know the plot ahead of time!) For those reading on, here are the lessons we were reminded of.

Lesson #1: Adoption and secrecy do not belong together.

In the story, Po the Panda, is now an adult living his dream of being the Dragon Warrior and an integral member of the Furious Five Kung Fu Fighters. During a battle he has a flashback that makes him question his identity. He later asks his father, Mr. Ping the Goose, about his origin and finds out that he was adopted as a baby. This sets off a mini identity crisis for Po and he becomes obsessed with finding out about his birthparents and why they “gave him up.” Although the movie treats this adoption discovery with some humor (Po the Panda is raised by a goose but never suspects he’s adopted and is shocked by the news), it warns against keeping adoption a secret.

In the U.S., adoptions used to be closed- meaning the adoptive parents and birthparents never met and were only given minimal information about each other. Adoptive parents were told to raise the baby “as their own” and not burden the child with the news of adoption until he or she were old enough to handle it (if ever). Consequently, many children did not find out about their adoption until their teen or adult years. Like Po, they were shocked and began to question their identity. “Who am I?” “Where did I come from?” “Why was I given up?” Today, adoption practices are much more open. Adoptive parents are encouraged to make adoption a natural part of their child’s birth story. Birthparents and adoptive parents often meet and many families stay in touch after the birth of the baby. With open adoption, the child is able to hear the loving words of why they were placed for adoption (often from the birthmother). This helps to minimize feelings of rejection and abandonment. There are no secrets and the child benefits by feeling loved and secure and by having the freedom to ask questions.

Lesson # 2: All children have the need to identify with their roots/heritage.

Po asks the questions that all children ask at one time or another “Who am I?” and “Where did I come from?” This is a natural part of growing up, whether an adopted or biological child. Who we look like, where we get our talents, why we act the way we do? These are questions we consider while growing up and forming our identity. When a child is denied that information, he or she will often “fill in the blanks” with fantasies that range from fairy tale to tragic. In the movie, Po has a dream that he meets his biological parents and they have traded him in for a radish. The radish then beats him up and Po awakes disturbed and feeling rejected. Information about and contact with the birth family helps prevent the need to “fill in the blanks” with fantasies. Truth helps to build a foundation of loving reality. Even when the birth family chooses not to remain connected, adoptive parents can share what information they do have and reassure their child that he or she is loved and was not rejected. Not all pain can be avoided. Po’s story is tragic. His parents are presumed murdered and birthmother saves his life by hiding him in the radish crate. But although the truth is painful, Po still benefits from knowing the story of where he came from and realizing he was not replaced with a radish.

Lesson #3: Adoptive parents are real parents (and so are birthparents)!

The adoption language is not always “correct” in the movie, but the message is clear. Po’s birthparents are real parents. They loved Po, gave him life, and made the best choice possible for him (to literally save his life). Mr. Ping is a real parent. He raises Po from a baby. He feeds him, comforts him, teaches him and loves him. Children can experience love from their birthparents and adoptive parents without being confused. Open adoption acknowledges this love. It is not shared parenting. The adoptive parents are Mom and Dad. In the movie, this concept is reinforced when Po returns from his conquests. He tells Mr. Ping, “I am your son” and they go off to cook together. Po benefits from the knowledge of his birthparents; loving sacrifice, but Mr. Ping is still his dad!

Huge Spoiler Alert!!!!! In the very end of the movie, we see that Po’s birthfather is still alive. This may pave the way for a Kung Fu Panda III and more exploration of adoption themes!

Jim and I really enjoyed this movie and it reinforced our commitment to open adoption. We look forward to celebrating our child’s heritage and to many, many tellings of his or her birth story! We are so excited about becoming parents and pray every day that our match will come soon!

About the author:
Amy Thomas, and her husband Jim, are IAC clients waiting to adopt their first child. They reside in Susanville, CA and are excited to start their family through open adoption. If you would like to learn more about them visit: http://www.jimandamyadopt.com/
If you want to follow them on their adoption journey, tune in to their blog:http://jimandamyhopingtoadopt.blogspot.com/