For anyone in the Atlanta area:

Come join us for “Adoptee Night” during the Braves game on September 16. We’ve planned Adoptee Night as a special day at the ballpark for anyone who has been touched by adoption. We noticed there aren’t many events for those in the adoption community. Our goal is to raise awareness about the adoption experience and show support for the adoption community.

Stop by our booth at Monument Grove before the game for some free giveaways and story sharing with others. It’s a great opportunity to make some new connections and friends in the adoption community. We’ll be gathering at 4:30pm, come stop by and pick up an Adoptee Night rally towel before the game.

We’ve teamed up with Mixed Roots Foundation for the event, as well as some other adoption agencies in the Atlanta area. We have complimentary tickets for IAC clients, contact Michelle Keyes at (404) 321-6900 if you are interested.

Or grab your tickets for the 16^th at http://atlanta.braves.mlb.com/ticketing/index.jsp?c_id=atl

Out of the thousand who were surveyed, according to a press release, 73% of women and 62% of men approved of same-sex adoption. In comparison, 84% of those surveyed were open to single-parent adoption.

Oxygen Media organized the study and it coincides with the release of I’m Having Their Baby, a reality/documentary miniseries exploring the adoption from the birthmother’s point-of-view.

Click Here to watch the clip 

[Skip to 2:15 after the commercial]

At IAC, we were surprised to see that a morning show with such a wide reach and mass audience would comment on the open vs. closed adoption topic without mentioning a single benefit of open adoption. We decided to take the opportunity to ask one of our nationally regarded experts, Independent Adoption Center Associate Executive Director Kathleen Silber, MSW, ACSW, to weigh in on how she felt about the segment and the benefits of open adoption compared to closed.

What was your initial reaction to the segment?
KS: Well honestly, it feels like a step back into the dark ages, where closed adoption was still the norm. A lot has changed in adoption over the years. It’s generally accepted knowledge now that an open adoption arrangement is not only healthier for the adoptees, but for the families as well. What’s shocking about the commentary on the Today Show is actually how archaic those views are – it’s hard to believe people are still advocating something that’s known to not be good practice.

What was your reaction to Nancy Snyderman saying that finding your birthmother is like “opening Pandora’s box?”
That’s a typical reaction of parents with a closed adoption and it’s based out of a lot of fear. They don’t know the birthmother or anything about her. What was sad about what was said on the show is that it just fed into the old stigmas about adoption that birthmothers are somebody horrible that you wouldn’t want to have in your life. Birthmothers of open adoption know this is going to be a permanent long-term relationship where she knows her role is just the birthmother, not the parent. There is no mystery with open adoption because everything is out in the open.

Where do you think these misconceptions come from?
I think a lot of the misconceptions come from a lack of knowledge. It’s a typical reaction for adoptive, or potential adoptive, parents to react based out of fear when they first hear and think about open adoption. A lot of times it’s the initial reaction of “I just want to parent this baby. I don’t want to have any contact with the birthmother because it sounds scary. I just want to adopt the baby, not the birthmother, too.” And that stems from ignorance, because people think that the women who choose adoption for their babies are horrible people or have a bad history, but that’s not the case.

Now when people go through the educational process about adoption they learn about the issues, particularly for children. It moves them past their needs and on to what the child’s needs are going to be. It seems these supposed “experts” that responded were reacting out of what they felt were the parent’s needs and not thinking about what the child’s needs may be.

If you were on the panel, how would you have responded?
You know, closed adoption used to be the only choice, but back in the early 1980’s we started noticing a lot more of the adult adoptees were wondering about their past and they had so many unanswered questions it was hard for them to cope. We’ve learned through research and working with these families and children that open adoption leads to better mental health in the children, birthparents and adoptive parents, and it has a higher success rate than closed because of this. It doesn’t matter how great a child’s adoptive parents are at raising them, a child wants to know where they came from. Children who grow up obsessing over unanswered questions tend to develop problems. It’s hard to grow up not knowing “Who do I look like?” and “Why was I given up?” Some children do alright with it, but others develop serious psychological problems. Comparatively, with open adoption, a child knows the answers to all these questions. They grow up so much better from a mental health point of view.

How does contact with the birthparents work in open adoption?
I think when people first hear about open adoption they think, “Oh this is going to be confusing to the child, they’re not going to know who their mom is,” well, kids are smarter than that. They figure out who mom is because that’s the person that’s there everyday. So say if the birthmother were to come visit or something and the child falls down and skins his knee, who is the child going to run to? He’s not going to run to the birthmother, he’s going to run to his mom, the one who’s been raising him.

It’s best to view birthparents as extended family members who visit the child maybe once or twice a year. While there’s a place in the child’s life for these family members, there’s no confusion about who “Mom” and “Dad” are. After all, your child cannot have too many people in his life who love him, and a little extra love will only help your child build a more positive self-concept. 

These days, what percentage of adoptions are open compared to closed?
At this point a minimum of 80% of all infant adoptions are open. That’s the national average and I believe it’s even higher than that. That’s why it seems irresponsible to advocate closed adoption on national television.

Contrary to popular opinion, closed adoption is actually much more prone to failure than open. Even if someone is interested in a closed adoption it’s hard to find an agency for it these days. And modern tools like social media make closed adoption a thing of the past. Pretty soon, there will be no distinction between open and closed adoption – it will only be open.

Kathleen Silber, MSW, ACSW is the current Associate Executive Director at Independent Adoption Center. She is the author of Dear Birthmother and Children of Open Adoption.

Independent Adoption Center strongly opposes this bill, for it would raise the barrier to finding permanent homes for children in foster care. Finding new permanent homes for foster children is already a tough task. This bill would further limit the number of possibilities for the children.

Schaer said “A child’s religious and cultural backgrounds are significant aspects of determining the best interests of the child. That’s why it’s so important that the placement of a child into foster care or adoption should be consistent with their religious and cultural backgrounds, unless it’s proven by convincing evidence that such placement is not in the best interests of the child.”

In open adoption, the birthmother chooses a family based on criteria that are important to her. If religion is or isn’t important, that will be reflected in her chosen adoptive family.

At Independent Adoption Center, we teach our adoptive parents that honoring the adopted child’s heritage is an important factor in building a healthy self-esteem. Any religious and cultural traditions that the child’s family had in place should be respected in a new adoptive household.

The reality is that this bill was most likely drafted with good intentions, but could result in more complications for adoption agencies and foster care placement. This could result in fewer children placed in permanent homes out of foster care and fewer adoptions for qualified adoptive parents.

It’s not uncommon for TV shows to throw in a surprise twist for their season finale. The same could be said of the ABC hit comedy Modern Family a couple weeks ago. The episode brought the adoption storyline of Cam and Mitchell back to life as the two received notice from their adoption agency that a birthmother had selected them. It also turned out that she had gone into early labor that day. Cam and Mitchell work their way to the hospital on the other side of town, some comedy ensues, and the episode ends on a sour note for them when the birth-grandmother decides to raise the child at the last moment. The decision is devastating for the couple.

As an adoption agency ourselves, we thought we would take a closer look inside this episode’s adoption storyline to give people some further insight as to when and how often this kind of situation happens.

First, at the Independent Adoption Center we have the “Last Minute Hospital List”: a list of adoptive parents ready to be considered in cases where a birthmother decides on adoption while giving birth at the hospital. We send a counselor to the hospital along with the adoptive parents letters for the mother to read through and make her decision. We have even had cases where the birthmother wasn’t aware she was pregnant until she was going into labor. We’ve seen many cases where adoptive parents are notified the day of birth, but haven’t yet seen a situation involving such a close resemblance to a Mexican Soap Opera.

While there are incidences of a birthmother changing her mind at the hospital, this is actually pretty rare. Only about 2% of birthmother’s decide to parent after initially placing their child in an open adoption. Much of the counseling we provide to birthparents is geared towards helping them figure out the best choice for them and their baby. This helps keep to a minimum the chance of a last-minute change of heart, because those birthparents who have a desire to parent are pointed towards resources to help them do so.

We were glad to see the adoption storyline back on Modern Family for this season’s finale. Be sure to keep tuned to our blog for more insight into how adoption scenarios are portrayed on TV and in movies.