IAC’s Michelle Keyes at the signing ceremony (2nd to the right of Gov Deal)

There are numerous advantages to having legally enforceable post adoption contracts, while the disadvantages are hard to determine. Adding a legal backing to the agreement between adoptive parents and birthparents validates their commitment to each other and helps ensure the genuine commitment to an open adoption plan. Adoptive parents will have peace of mind, knowing the commitment that their child’s birthparents have made and having an outline of what the contact will look like filed with the courts. Birthparents are often skeptical that the adoptive parents they choose will cut them out of their lives after the placement. Having their contact agreement filed in the courts and seen as a legally enforceable contract will solidify the commitment the adoptive parents are making with the birthparents. The children of open adoption are going to benefit knowing that all their parents cared about them and loved them enough to take the time to outline their commitment to each other. Birthparents will likely be more willing to choose Georgia adoptive parents, creating more families in Georgia. In addition, this bill helps validate and protect the work that open adoption agencies perform.

In cases where the children are older when placed for adoption, such as when in the care of the State, this new law may make the transition easier for birthparents to relinquish their rights. More birthparents may be willing to make an adoption plan that is in the best interest of their child if they know that they will not lose contact with their child. Representative Oliver is currently working with the Department of Family and Children Services to find the best methods to implement this new law into practice.

Within the law, there is room for modification and enforcement. It specifically outlines who may be a party to the agreement, who can request it be altered, and who can request it be enforced. As it currently stands, only the adoptive parents can file a petition seeking modification. In the future, this may be one area that is asked to be altered. The law also outlines that any party, as defined in the bill, may seek enforcement or termination of the contract. Any changes to the post adoption contract agreement must be found to be in the best interest of the child. If the agreement is not followed or is altered, an adoption cannot be overturned. Having a post adoption contract agreement is optional; not all agencies, adoptive parents, and birthparents will choose to engage in this contract. However, if they do, and it’s filed with the courts, it will be legally enforced.

You can read the full text of the law here: http://www.pdfdownload.org/pdf2html/view_online.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.legis.ga.gov%2FLegislation%2F20132014%2F136914.pdf

Unfortunately, you don’t have much control over getting a contact (although networking can increase your chances), but that doesn’t mean that every contact is the right one for you.  In the waiting stages of the journey, it can be hard to imagine turning down any potential situation.  However, this can be necessary.  It is important to be honest with yourself in how you feel about a contact and if it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right.  While prospective adoptive families often feel bad about turning away a potential birthmother, if you try to force a match, it will likely fall apart at some point.  If she’s not the right match for you, there is likely another family that she is the right match for.  Keep in mind that sometimes the right match turns out to be something that you didn’t anticipate and really surprises you.

Think about the things that are important to you in a match, things you are open to considering, and things you would not proceed with.  Since potential birthmothers will be contacting you, and not vice versa, you will also need to think about what you are flexible on.  For example, while you might love to have a contact in your same state, are you open and able to travel to another state?

Some things to think about when talking with birthparents:

1. Can you see yourself being friends with this person?
2. Can you see your family and friends welcoming her/him into their circle?
3. Do you share common interests and beliefs?
4. Are you comfortable with the amount of contact she/he is wanting and are you realistically able to agree to it?
5. Are you willing to embrace this potential birthmother’s child, including race, ethnicity, prenatal exposures, mental health history, and physical health history?
6. Are you comfortable letting the birthparents make decisions that are right for them, even if you would choose something different?
7. Are you comfortable, based on the information you know about the birth family and the situation, moving forward?

When talking with a potential birthparent, realize that she/he might not know what she/he really wants either.  The birthparent might have ideas in mind about what she/he wants, but might not have received education and counseling about open adoption yet.  They might not understand what is typical, acceptable, or reasonable.  For this reason, it’s important to not dismiss a situation or commit to anything without first consulting with a counselor. Most situations are going to have some details that will need to be worked through with the help of the agency and counselor.  Afterwards the situation may end up being more acceptable to you.

GA Rep Mary Margaret Oliver

The Independent Adoption Center is an active supporter of HB 21. We believe that having a legally enforceable post adoption contract agreement, also known as open adoption agreements, is favorable to the adoption triad.Research has already proven that open adoptions are in the best interest of the children of adoption and having a legally enforceable post adoption contract agreement solidifies the concept of open adoption. The children of open adoption benefit from having people in their life who care about and love them. They will know the love that went into their adoption plan when they see that their birthparents and adoptive parents cared enough about them to make a plan in writing about having contact for the next 18 years. The birthparents of open adoption benefit from the healing and comfort that ongoing contact often brings. The adoptive parents of open adoption benefit from the comfort and knowledge that their child will have ongoing contact with their birthparents and that the birthparents have agreed to continue that contact. While adoptions are built on trust and honesty, having a legally enforceable post adoption contract agreement will comfort the triad in knowing that loss of contact, without just cause, will not be tolerated.

Not only do legally enforceable post adoption contract agreements benefit the triad, they also benefit the agencies, attorneys, and counties that provide adoption services. Agencies such as the Independent Adoption Center, who specialize in open adoption, receive some validation and protection in the work we do. It essentially recognizes the foundation of the work we perform in the eyes of the law. For other entities that work in adoption, and open adoption, this law will also offer them the same benefits. In cases where the county is involved in the adoption, there is a great possibility of increased rewards. If birthparents who have children in the foster system could be given the option of staying in their child’s life, with a guarantee of the law on their side, they would likely be more willing to voluntary terminate their rights rather than having to go through the pains of involuntary terminations, which also affect the children they are trying to protect. In cases in the foster system, this also is logical since the child likely had contact with one or both birthparents prior to removal, and very likely had been having ongoing visitation as their case has progressed in the system. Cutting ties involuntarily and immediately upon birthparent termination could have detrimental affects on the children, as well as on the birthparents.

There are currently 26 states that have a similar statute on the books. There is a rising interest on the part of birthparents to choose adoptive families who will be finalizing their adoption in one of these 26 states so they are ensured their best interests are protected. If Georgia signs this bill into law, we will be helping prospective Georgian adoptive families by being able to offer this to their potential birthparents.

It is important to know that having a legally enforceable post adoption contract agreement cannot be contingent on placement of a child through adoption. Birthparents cannot be promised contact if they decide to place. It is a separate acknowledgement that comes with the adoption and can be decided on before or after birth. If contact is not upheld, the adoption cannot be overturned. The party that feels the agreement is not being upheld may file a motion in the court to have the agreement reviewed and case heard. If there is just cause for lack of contact, it would be discussed at that time with a judge overseeing the dispute. If the agreement needed amended, it could be done so at that time with the help of the courts, a mediator, agency, or attorney. A judge could also refer the case to mediation before being heard in a court of law.

It is also important to note that legally enforceable post adoption contract agreements are optional. If an entity does not want to offer this as part of their services, they do not have to. If any party of the triad does not want to participate in the agreement, one does not have to be done. It is only for those adoption entities and members of the triad that want a legally enforceable post adoption contract agreement. These agreements can even be helpful for a triad that prefers a closed adoption. This could be documented in the agreement and filed with the courts so there is no confusion or claim of a promise of contact that is not being upheld.

HB 21, a proposed bill for legally enforceable post adoption contract agreements in Georgia, would offer the citizens of Georgia a great service. It offers protection, healing, and comfort to the adoption triad as well as validation and options to adoption entities. It is hopeful this bill passes the Senate and enacts into Georgia law.

A single Caucasian mother with her African-American son adopted through the IAC

In the past, through closed adoptions, these were probably dreaded words to hear. But now with open adoption, these words are easily explained and most likely already known from a very early age. By the time your child is asking these types of questions, they are noticing the differences around them and trying to figure out how they fit into the family and the world.

The key to answering any question about adoption from your child is honesty. If your child asks you about where their looks came from, or why they don’t look like you, you’ll want to go back and revisit their adoption story with them. Remind them that they have birthparents and that they likely resemble them more than you. If you have photos of the birthparents, pull them out and compare them to your child. Notice the differences and similarities between them. If you don’t have photos of them, or of only one of them, you can help your child imagine what they might look and what traits they might share. Give your child permission to daydream about their birthparents and acknowledge that they do share the same genetic background.

You can also take this opportunity to explore the differences and similarities between your child and the rest of your family. Perhaps you share eye color, or curly hair, or rosy cheeks. Perhaps you share silly talents such as touching your nose with your tongue or wiggling your ears. Or you might even share other interests such as sports, music, or math. Your child is likely trying to find something to connect them to you since they know they are not genetically connected.

Your child/ren will learn to speak about their adoption based on the words they hear you using, so it’s important to use the correct terms from the beginning. It’s also important to talk to your friends and family about positive adoption language so they will know the correct terms to use as well. This will help them not only be good examples for your child, but will also put their minds at ease as to what the correct terms are to use. It can also take away any uncomfortable feelings they might have when talking to you and your family about adoption.

Some examples of positive adoption language are using the word “place” instead of “give up” when referring to your child’s birthparent’s choice to make an adoption plan. You usually “give up” things that are bad-you give up smoking, drinking, gambling, etc. Using that term could make your child think they are bad and that’s why they were “given up”. If instead you use “placed for adoption”, it acknowledges the loving, thoughtful choice that the birthparents made to find the perfect family for their child. Some other terms to keep in mind are: “parenting” vs. “keeping”; “birthmother” and “birthfather” vs. “real parents”; and “adoptee” vs. “adopted child”.

If your previous child/ren is a result of a biological birth, you’re going to need to prepare your child for the way an adoption works. They will need to learn about different ways families are formed and explore with them how you will be welcoming another family into yours. There are also children’s books about this subject that can provide easy conversation starters.

In either scenario, it’s imperative that your child be involved in the process of the adoption, while still being protected from realities that they may not yet understand. For example, the wait in an adoption can be long (at the IAC, the average wait is 6-18 months) and a young child doesn’t yet have the concept of time or of waiting. While you want to prepare your child for an eventual placement and explore what being a big brother or sister is all about, you don’t want to allow your child to think this is something that is going to happen immediately.

Once you are matched with a potential birthmother, you can begin to make more plans and allow your child to become more involved. They will likely meet the birthmother and birthfamily and be a part of the match process. However, as is the reality of adoption, even though she has chosen your family to adopt her unborn child, she has to make that choice yet again when it comes time to sign the relinquishments. One way to prepare your child for this and for the possibility that she may not place is to explain that she has chosen your family to care for her child until she decides if she can. Once she has signed and the revocation period is over, you can talk to your child about the permanency of the placement. If she does choose to parent, your child (and you) will likely be hurt and disappointed, but you will both be better prepared knowing that you were helping her while she needed time to decide what’s best for her and her child.

Giving your child the power to decide whom to share their adoption story with is very empowering. Not everyone needs to know they were adopted. Let them decide whom to share with and you may be surprised by their choices. It’s important to teach your child the difference between secrets and private matters as well. Secrets can often be bad, whereas private matters are just things that are not shared with everyone. For example, the cashier at Wal-Mart doesn’t need to know your whole adoption story if you do not want to share it, so that’s a private matter. There’s nothing wrong with keeping things private and you are proud to share their story with those people who are important in your lives, but you needn’t be pressured to indulge curious onlookers.

To be continued…

It’s also important for both parents (if you are a two-parent household) to bring up the subject with your child. It’s going to be natural for your child to come to one of you over the other for different subjects (math homework, sports, friends, etc) and that’s ok. However, it’s important for your child to know that they can talk to either one of you, even if they prefer to always come to one of you.

To be continued…

To be continued…