When a couple chooses to adopt, the decision of when and how to break the news is complicated, given that adoption can be a long process filled with uncertainty. Many people seem to have an opinion or some preconceived notions about what it means to adopt and are not afraid to voice those feeling upon hearing a couple’s news. The following are a few things to keep in mind when telling the family and friends about your adoption and some reactions you might receive.

Decide who you want to tell and when to tell them. Once you’ve begun the adoption process, it can last for months or even years. Having the support of family and friends during this exciting and anxiety provoking time can be a comfort. Some prospective adoptive parents choose to tell their closest friends and relatives about their decision early on. Others prefer to wait until the later stages of the process when they are more certain of the outcome. There are ultimately no right or wrong answers about whether or when to tell people. The choice is a personal one that will depend on your circumstances, the details of the adoption, and your relationships with those around you. Phone calls, e-mails, and written letters are great ways of announcing your decision to adopt.

If you are nervous about telling your family because you are unsure how they would react, write them a letter explaining your decision and why you chose to adopt or give them information about the agency. Explain the process and people involved. Teach your family about birthparents and help them see that adoption plans are made out of love. Make it clear that the decision is up to you. Let them know that it was not an easy decision to make and you would really appreciate them supporting you through this.

Once you do break the news, be prepared for a lot of questions. Since many people are still in the dark about the emotional and practical aspects of adoption, they may ask you things that seem rude, “Don’t you want ‘your own’ child?” or “How much are you paying for your baby?” Of course, you’ll also be grilled on “When is the baby coming?” and “Have you gotten the room ready?”

Try not to take these questions personally. Most people are simply curious about the adoption process, and this can be a good opportunity to educate them. Don’t feel like you have to answer questions that are too intrusive, personal or that compromise the privacy of the birthparents or your adoptive child.

Be prepared to set straight adoption myths. While some people may ask questions based on their lack of knowledge about adoption, others may think they have all the answers because of something they’ve read, saw on TV, or heard from a friend. This is a good opportunity to set the record straight about certain issues of adoption.

Give your family members a chance to vent and also to comprehend adoption. They may need to grieve that the family’s bloodline is not being continued or they may worry that an adoption might fail or turn out badly. Family members may also need to confront their own lack of knowledge and prejudices about adoption and it will be up to you to help them. Your IAC counselors are here to answer any questions you have regarding talking to your family about adoption and will support you along the way!

You can invite family to talk with a counselor at IAC, give them adoption material or recommend a few books they can read. Chances are your family and friends will want to fully embrace your decision and your child but they may need some time and information before they can fully do so.

1. Know the differences in the types of adoption services available.

Many large adoption agencies don’t specialize in just one type of adoption.  For instance, they may have a domestic adoption program (adopting a child born in the United States), a foster care program, and an international adoption program too.  You should make sure the agency you choose is well versed in the type of adoption you want.  Any agency that attempts to persuade you to choose another type of adoption may not have adequate resources in that area, or they may be attempting to fill gaps in their programs.  Another thing to note is that not all agencies can provide services in all regions.  Most international agencies complete adoptions in only certain countries, and many domestic adoption agencies cannot process out-of-state adoptions.  This is important because you want an agency that can meet the needs of both birthparents and adoptive parents living in different areas.

2. Learn the difference between open and closed adoptions.

There are closed adoptions (situations where birthparents and adoptive families do not have any information about each other), semi-open adoptions (in which all communications between birthparents and adoptive parents go through the agency), and open adoptions (where everyone communicates openly, honestly, and freely without the agency’s intervention).  As research on adoption has progressed over the years, it has become clear that open adoption is the healthiest form of adoption for everyone involved.  Still, some agencies offer closed and semi-open adoptions as part of their program.  If you have doubts about how or why open adoption works the way it does, contact an agency to get more information. There are many myths about open adoption that are easily dispelled, and a good adoption counselor can help you learn about this.

To find an agency committed to openness, be sure to ask questions regarding how communication between birthfamilies and adoptive families is handled. Birthparents wanting an open adoption should look for agencies that are comfortable with open adoption and do not have policies that limit their communications with their adoptive family.

3. Be aware of the policies of your potential adoption agency.

Many agencies have exclusionary policies that limit what types of families are able to adopt through the agency.  For example, some place limits on who they will accept into their program based on age, religion, marital status, or sexual orientation. Equality is an important and traditional value. Make sure your agency reflects the same values you have.

Find out what the agency will charge for their services. The fee’s at some agencies can limit adoption to only the very wealthy, while others will offer a sliding-scale fee structure to make adoption available for more families. At the same time, make sure the agency you choose offers all the services you will need to complete your adoption. If there are drastic cost differences, make sure the cheaper option is not at the expense of full service.

4. Research the support and services offered by your potential agency.

Adoption is a big decision, and birthparents should be offered professional counseling to assist them throughout the adoption process.  Make sure your potential agency offers counseling and support to the birthparents they work with.

Adoptive parents also need professional & caring staff to assist with the paper work, legal process, and emotions associated with adoption.  A qualified counselor is paramount to the success of an adoption placement.  Make sure to find someone who is knowledgeable, and can support you when you need to talk through a problem or question.

Unfortunately, you don’t have much control over getting a contact (although networking can increase your chances), but that doesn’t mean that every contact is the right one for you.  In the waiting stages of the journey, it can be hard to imagine turning down any potential situation.  However, this can be necessary.  It is important to be honest with yourself in how you feel about a contact and if it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right.  While prospective adoptive families often feel bad about turning away a potential birthmother, if you try to force a match, it will likely fall apart at some point.  If she’s not the right match for you, there is likely another family that she is the right match for.  Keep in mind that sometimes the right match turns out to be something that you didn’t anticipate and really surprises you.

Think about the things that are important to you in a match, things you are open to considering, and things you would not proceed with.  Since potential birthmothers will be contacting you, and not vice versa, you will also need to think about what you are flexible on.  For example, while you might love to have a contact in your same state, are you open and able to travel to another state?

Some things to think about when talking with birthparents:

1. Can you see yourself being friends with this person?
2. Can you see your family and friends welcoming her/him into their circle?
3. Do you share common interests and beliefs?
4. Are you comfortable with the amount of contact she/he is wanting and are you realistically able to agree to it?
5. Are you willing to embrace this potential birthmother’s child, including race, ethnicity, prenatal exposures, mental health history, and physical health history?
6. Are you comfortable letting the birthparents make decisions that are right for them, even if you would choose something different?
7. Are you comfortable, based on the information you know about the birth family and the situation, moving forward?

When talking with a potential birthparent, realize that she/he might not know what she/he really wants either.  The birthparent might have ideas in mind about what she/he wants, but might not have received education and counseling about open adoption yet.  They might not understand what is typical, acceptable, or reasonable.  For this reason, it’s important to not dismiss a situation or commit to anything without first consulting with a counselor. Most situations are going to have some details that will need to be worked through with the help of the agency and counselor.  Afterwards the situation may end up being more acceptable to you.

IAC opened a fully staffed office in New York City on August 1, 2013. By expanding into Connecticut, IAC will be able to better serve the people of the tri-state area who need open adoption services.

IAC’s office is located at Connecticut Business Centers, Six Landmark Square, 4th Floor, Stamford, CT. The office is open by appointment only. For more information call: (203) 747-8500 or visit us online at: http://www.adoptionhelp.org/about/offices-staff

What is Adoptee Night, and how did the idea develop?
In community partnership between the Mixed Roots Foundation and the SF Giants, the first ever Adoptee Night is a special event that will take place in helping to raise more awareness about adoption. Since it’s our first year, we hope that we can drive as many people as possible to attend, so that next year the SF Giants can fully sponsor this event next year and hopefully years to come. Full sponsorship will include a reserved section for the adoption community, a pregame show, as well as an Adoptee Night sponsored promotional item.

But for this year, we are kind of doing everything separate – just to get the momentum for next year (smile).  We will be hosting a separate pregame gathering at Lucky Strike that is located right across from AT&T Park at 4:30 p.m. We will also be handing out Adoptee Night rally towels and T-Shirts, so Adoptee Night attendees can show their support for this one of a kind event. The Ultimate goal is to replicate Adoptee Night to other sports teams in the country.

The idea of Adoptee Night kind of came from the concept of the other SF Giants special events but to really recognize and celebrate all who have been touched by adoption. As an adoptee myself and attending all of the other SF Giants special events – I thought to myself why isn’t there one for the adoption community??? Six in ten people are touched by adoption – that equates to about over 100 million people here in the U.S. and there are over 10 million adult adoptees; I think we are a pretty big community. Also, there is a need for creating more awareness. We all know that adoption isn’t going anywhere, so as the first and only national/global multicultural adoptee led foundation (all of our board members are adopted whom are representative of the international, domestic, and foster adoption experience) – we believe from our own personal experiences of being adopted – it is critical that we as the adoptee community help streamline more post adoption resources for adoptees and their families.

Can you tell me more about Mixed Roots Foundation?
Again, the Mixed Roots Foundation is the first and only organization doing what we are doing. What really sets us apart from any other nonprofit organization or even foundation – is that we are focusing on post adoption resources as well as really serving as the global philanthropic arm of adoption as well as being creative and leveraging all the resources that are available including the resources in the arts & entertainment, business, technology and health and science communities. We really are trying to address the changing needs of adoptees and their families throughout the whole life cycle of the adoptee – from birth to death. We also hope that this will provide a space / platform that individuals and their families can call home by giving back to the community and getting their voices heard both on a national and global level.

We hear George Lucas is a supporter. What was his involvement?
Yes, It was amazing to hear that George Lucas had accepted our invitation to participate in our public service announcement (PSA) that will broadcast at Adoptee Night on July 24th. We interviewed him because he is an adoptive parent of three children – two girls and one boy. We hope that we can get George and his kids more involved with the Foundation as he has shared a very positive experience with his adoption and wants to do anything he can do to help others.

How can people get involved with Adoptee night?
Buy Tickets and Represent! Again, due to this being our first year – it is critical that we show the Giants that we are a community and that we have the numbers to prove it. Also, we are looking for volunteers to help hand out materials both around the stadium as well as the pregame and in the stadium as well. All materials need to focus on post adoption resources whether that is mentoring or providing activities for adoptees and their families after they adopt.

What’s next for Adoptee Night and Mixed Roots Foundation?
There are actually a couple of other organizations that have started a similar Adoptee Night event in Texas and possibly in Missouri, Minnesota and New York! That is exactly what we would like to happen. The main goal is to raise awareness about the adoption experience and how we can further support adoptees and their families.  If we can create Adoptee Night to go viral at every sports team game – that will be a true success!

As for the Mixed Roots Foundation, due to being only a year old – we really are operating on a grass roots level, so our plea is to garner as many donations as possible, so we can meet our financial goals to continue the awareness events as well as create national and global models of post adoption resources that can be replicated to positively directly impact local adoption communities everywhere.

In the Fall, we will be re-launching our charter Adoptee Mentor Program (AMP) where we match caring and positive adult adoptee mentors with children who are also adopted. We will also be officially launching the first ever Global Adoptee Genealogy Project (GAGP) where we are helping adoptees and their families discover the biological and cultural roots through DNA testing.

For those who would like to support our work, you can feel free to direct them to our website – http://www.mixedrootsfoundation.org or our Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/mixedrootsfoundation.

We’ve scoured the Internet to bring you the best sources for informative, inspiring adoption content. With the help of our resident experts and social media savvy staff, we’ve created a list sure to put you on the fast track to content discovery. Share this information with your friends, followers, and readers in support of open adoption.

Facebook Groups

Creating a Family: Talk About Adoption & Infertility

Families Through Domestic Adoption

Facebook Pages

Open Adoption, Open Heart

Adoption Giftbox

Adoption: Share the Love

Adoptive Families

LGBT Parenting

Birthmothers for Adoption

Expectant Moms Thinking of Adoption

America Adopts

Blogs

Open Adoption Bloggers Network

Open Adoption Support

Creating A Family Blog

America Adopts

A new tool on the market, adopt2Connect, can provide that link. Developed just one year ago by Nancy Baker, an adoption case worker, and Mark Barrett, an adoptive parent, the site is innovative yet has the ease of use that is common to social media sites. Independent Adoption Center was an early proponent of the site and has continued to be supportive of the site through the many new features we have rolled-out this first year. The latest enhancement is the social media front-end that allows each owner of an adoption support page to link to each of their other social media tools – Facebook, Twitter, WordPress, etc. and without any further effort, all of your social media updates instantly appear in adopt2Connect on IAC’s support page and then instantly populating every home page of every IAC page member. So log on to adopt2Connect today at http://www.adopt2connect.com and join IAC’s support page to see up to the minute feeds and news from their organization, all in one place, right from your home page.

Today, adopt2Connect is 250 families strong. We cherish the gift of a child, respect the unknowns of the adoption process and know how to stick it out through our growing network. As you or someone you know waits patiently for the next call, email or document to guide your steps, remember to join or share our network so that we can be by your side (virtually) and welcome you into a community of expectant parents who want to do good works. We’re there for you from beginning to end. Check us out! Membership is free. Our community works together to make a better life for every child.

Join the festivities this Saturday, May 5th from 10am-7pm in support of LGBT rights and all of the wonderful families formed through open adoption. Don’t forget to stop by our booth and say, “Hi!” to our friendly staff who will be handing out information and goodies!

The Independent Adoption Center is happy to announce that we’ve joined the enormously popular Pinterest community! We’ve already started a few boards: Open Adoption, containing our favorite adoption related quotes and gifts; Books Worth Reading, full of insightful literature on open adoption; and It’s a boy!/It’s a girl! boards with announcement and gift ideas and the cutest baby photos we can find!

So why use Pinterest?…

Due to it’s visual appeal, it is a great site to spark your inner creativity and at the same time collect all of your ideas in one place and share your ideas with others. It’s a convenient place to plan ahead for parenthood by creating boards for nursery items, baby clothes, birthday/gift ideas, and kid-friendly crafts. It’s especially useful for discovering DIY projects like making you own baby foods. Pinterest can be a way to journal your favorite quotes and pictures about what open adoption means to you, so that you can one day share it with your child.

IAC’s Top Five Reasons to Use Pinterest:

1. It’s free sign up. But, the catch is that you need to be invited by someone who already has an account. Start sending flowers and pretty pleases, pronto!
2. You can create as many boards as you want.
3. You can install the “Pin It” Button, a bookmarklet for your browser, that allows you to pin something from any website you visit.
4. You can pin on-the-go with the well-designed Pinterest Mobile App.
5. You can link your Pinterest account to your Facebook account so that everything you pin is published to Facebook’s News Feed

The popularity of Pinterest has spread like a wild fire. Launched in 2010, Pinterest now generates more referral traffic than Google+, YouTube and LinkedIn, and will soon pass up Twitter. Since January 2012, its percentage of daily visits has increased by 145%. For more interesting Pinterest statistics check out, “The Power of Pinterest” Infographic on TechCrunch.

With all this fuss about Pinterest, I bet you’re curious! Our best advice is to find out which of your friends are on Pinterest and ask them for an invitation. As soon as you create your account, start following the IAC’s boards to get you started!