Open Adoption Blog


Daddy’s Arms

In this excerpt from a blog post by Jim Thomas, a prospective adoptive father, he warmly reflects on the love he felt from his own father as a child and the love he longs to give to the child he is waiting to hold. While reminiscing about the relationship he once had with his father he looks forward to what he wishes to give to his child – strength from the arms of a father and love to carry him/her through.

“Although it was many years ago, I still remember it better than yesterday. I was probably five or six. We had been out past my bedtime and I had fallen asleep on the long ride home. Upon arriving home I awakened, but did not stir. Instead I did what is sometimes typical of children: I played “possum.” I pretended to be asleep so that someone would carry me into the house and put me to bed.

Dad was a genuinely kind man. He had an active work life as a postal carrier, delivering mail and walking typically 4-5 miles each workday. It wasn’t in his nature to say many cross words to another person. Even though he had worked hard and was probably exhausted after a long day, Dad still picked up his tired son, carried him into the house, and put him to bed.”

To read the rest of the blog click here: Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt

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In Support of Open Records for Adult Adoptees & Open Adoption

The Independent Adoption Center (IAC), the largest open adoption agency in the US, strongly supports open records for adult adoptees. The IAC believes that every person should be able to access his or her original birth certificate and family records. The IAC advocates changing the state laws, where needed, so that all adopted individuals have access to this information. This is a matter of civil rights and human dignity.

“Adopted individuals have the right to know about their genetic history and the reasons for their adoptive placement, “ explained Ann Wrixon, IAC  Executive Director. “All adoptees have basic questions such as ‘Who do I look like?’ and ‘Why was I placed?’ Unfortunately, state legislatures outlawed the right to this information during the years of closed adoption with the permanent sealing of all records pertaining to the adoption.”

Today the majority of voluntary adoptions are open adoptions, where the parties involved maintain ongoing contact over the years, thereby eliminating the need for adult adoptees to have to go to court to obtain their birth records.  Birthparents and adopting parents typically meet before the baby is born and continue to have ongoing contact over the years. This contact may vary from periodic written communication to visits in person once or twice/year or more frequently.  With open adoption, the child does not struggle with unanswered questions or a lack of information about his or her history. Instead, he or she has answers and information on an ongoing basis. This promotes better mental health for the child, as well as the other parties to the adoption.

In open adoptions, in order to protect the rights of all parties, the IAC supports legally enforceable open adoption agreements. These agreements don’t hinder the relationship between the adoptive parents and birthparents in any way; they simply outline what the parties themselves have agreed to. These agreements preserve the rights of all members of the adoption triad.

The goal of both open records and open adoption is to provide all adopted individuals with the same basic human rights as other citizens, as well as to promote better mental health for all parties to the adoption.

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Halloween Costume Photo Contest

Calling all Frankenstein Monsters, Princesses, Cats and Cowboys: The Independent Adoption Center is excited to announce our first annual Halloween Costume Photo Contest! The winner will receive a $100 gift certificate at Toys’R’Us. Here are the details:

  • Photo must be of your child in his or her Halloween costume (Please note: By submitting any photos, you give IAC permission to reproduce them online and in promotional materials.)
  • To enter you must be a current or alumni IAC family
  • All entries will be added to our Facebook photo album
  • The winner will be the photo that gets the most Facebook “likes”
  • The winning photo will be determined on November 2nd, at 12pm PST.
  • Send all photo entries to contests@adoptionhelp.org

Good luck!

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Bridging the Gap: Adoption Agency Troubles Heat Up in Texas

The largest adoption agency in Texas, Adoption Services Associates (ASA), recently filed for bankruptcy and informed all their adoptive clients of the close, but did not inform their birthparent clients. ASA’s successor adoption agency, Abrazo Adoption Services, has made attempts to reconnect birthparents and their respective adoptive families using ASA’s database, but its proving to be a difficult task for their small, three-person operation. In addition, Texas does not allow adult adoptees the same access to original Birth Certificates that non-adopted persons have.

The Declassified Adoptee blog recently wrote a piece about the bankruptcy incident and the serious issues it raises, including rights for both adoptees and birth families. Among them are rights and protections the Independent Adoption Center has long advocated for. They include:

  • Legally enforceable Open Adoption Agreements – IAC’s own Kathleen Silber has written, “Open adoption agreements don’t hinder the relationship in any way; they simply outline what the parties themselves have agreed to.” These agreements preserve the rights of all members of the adoption triad.
  • Adoptee access to original Birth Certificates – Every person should have access to their original birth certificate and family records. This is a matter of civil rights and human dignity, to say nothing of the medical and legal aspects. Legislators in Texas should make immediate moves to end this discrimination against adoptees.

What do you think of the ASA situation in Texas, and what would you like to tell legislators about adoptee and birthparent rights? Let us know in the comments.

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Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming…

In this excerpt from a blog post by Amy Thomas, a prospective adoptive mother, she beautifully describes the analogy of waiting in relation to the movie “Finding Nemo.” She finds a lesson in the mantra repeatedly spoken by the character Dora, and sees that the path of waiting not only requires trust and faith, but the persistence and patience to keep moving forward despite what crosses her path.

“This is the mantra that has been on my mind the past few weeks. I love Dory from Finding Nemo. For all her faults, she is fearless and persistent. Surrounded by deep murky waters with unknown dangers, she doesn’t give up. Instead she hums a simple tune and keeps on swimming, trusting that everything will work out in the end. And her courage and tenacity doesn’t just help her own journey along, it also encourages Marlin to not give up hope.

So often I find myself weary of waiting. Waiting sucks! There’s really not a nicer way to describe it. We would all like to have a smooth, easy journey to parenthood, but for most adoptive couples the journey is more like a swim upstream against the current. There are disappointments, delays, and detours. There are days when it seems like it will never happen. There are days when hope is hard to find. Those are the days we especially need to take a deep breath and keep on swimming.”

To read the rest of the blog click here: Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt

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Adoptee Night with the Atlanta Braves

For anyone in the Atlanta area:

Come join us for “Adoptee Night” during the Braves game on September 16. We’ve planned Adoptee Night as a special day at the ballpark for anyone who has been touched by adoption. We noticed there aren’t many events for those in the adoption community. Our goal is to raise awareness about the adoption experience and show support for the adoption community.

Stop by our booth at Monument Grove before the game for some free giveaways and story sharing with others. It’s a great opportunity to make some new connections and friends in the adoption community. We’ll be gathering at 4:30pm, come stop by and pick up an Adoptee Night rally towel before the game.

We’ve teamed up with Mixed Roots Foundation for the event, as well as some other adoption agencies in the Atlanta area. We have complimentary tickets for IAC clients, contact Michelle Keyes at (404) 321-6900 if you are interested.

Or grab your tickets for the 16th at http://atlanta.braves.mlb.com/ticketing/index.jsp?c_id=atl

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Kathleen Silber Responds to Salt Lake Tribune

The Salt Lake Tribune recently wrote an article about open adoption agreements. The author quoted several adoption experts and families, including IAC’s own Kathleen Silber, citing their views on whether open adoption agreements should be legally enforceable. Here are some additional thoughts from Kathleen on the subject:

Open adoption agreements are legally enforceable in an increasing number of states. The IAC led the way in California many years ago with legislation making written open adoption agreements enforceable in CA. Of course, the relationship between adoptive parents and birthparents is built on trust, not contracts. The written (and enforceable) agreement simply outlines what the parties to the adoption have agreed upon for the lifetime of their adoption. It helps both sides to have clear boundaries and expectations.

If there is a dispute down the line that can’t be resolved between the parties to the adoption, the court would get involved to enforce the agreement (such as, for example, a yearly visit). The court would never vacate the adoption. The adoptive parents are legally the parents of the child, and that will never change, regardless of whether or not the agreement is adhered to. The adoptive parents also have the right to determine what is in their child’s best interest. For example, if at a certain age, the visits were upsetting to the child, they could be suspended.

So, with open adoption agreements, the adoptive parents retain their full legal rights as parents. They simply must also comply with whatever agreement they made with the birthparents about contact and visits. This provides protection for all parties, especially birthparents, who have no legal rights once an adoption is finalized.

Open adoption is about trust and honesty, as well as an ongoing relationship. Open adoption agreements don’t hinder the relationship in any way; they simply outline what the parties themselves have agreed to.

What do you think about open adoption agreements?

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Study finds progress in acceptance of same-sex adoption

A recent study reported that 71% of people approve of adoption by same-sex couples. The study was conducted by Lightspeed research and asked just over a thousand people (ages 18-49) about different scenarios and reasons for adoption.

Out of the thousand who were surveyed, according to a press release, 73% of women and 62% of men approved of same-sex adoption. In comparison, 84% of those surveyed were open to single-parent adoption.

Oxygen Media organized the study and it coincides with the release of I’m Having Their Baby, a reality/documentary miniseries exploring the adoption from the birthmother’s point-of-view.

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IAC Sponsors Adoptee Night with the SF Giants

The Independent Adoption Center is proud to sponsor the first annual Adoptee Night at the San Francisco Giants game. The event will take place on July 24th as the Giants play the San Diego Padres. We sat down with Adoptee Night organizer Holly Bachman, founder and CEO of the Mixed Roots Foundation, to find out more about this special night.

What is Adoptee Night, and how did the idea develop?
In community partnership between the Mixed Roots Foundation and the SF Giants, the first ever Adoptee Night is a special event that will take place in helping to raise more awareness about adoption. Since it’s our first year, we hope that we can drive as many people as possible to attend, so that next year the SF Giants can fully sponsor this event next year and hopefully years to come. Full sponsorship will include a reserved section for the adoption community, a pregame show, as well as an Adoptee Night sponsored promotional item.

But for this year, we are kind of doing everything separate – just to get the momentum for next year (smile).  We will be hosting a separate pregame gathering at Lucky Strike that is located right across from AT&T Park at 4:30 p.m. We will also be handing out Adoptee Night rally towels and T-Shirts, so Adoptee Night attendees can show their support for this one of a kind event. The Ultimate goal is to replicate Adoptee Night to other sports teams in the country.

The idea of Adoptee Night kind of came from the concept of the other SF Giants special events but to really recognize and celebrate all who have been touched by adoption. As an adoptee myself and attending all of the other SF Giants special events – I thought to myself why isn’t there one for the adoption community??? Six in ten people are touched by adoption – that equates to about over 100 million people here in the U.S. and there are over 10 million adult adoptees; I think we are a pretty big community. Also, there is a need for creating more awareness. We all know that adoption isn’t going anywhere, so as the first and only national/global multicultural adoptee led foundation (all of our board members are adopted whom are representative of the international, domestic, and foster adoption experience) – we believe from our own personal experiences of being adopted – it is critical that we as the adoptee community help streamline more post adoption resources for adoptees and their families.

Can you tell me more about Mixed Roots Foundation?
Again, the Mixed Roots Foundation is the first and only organization doing what we are doing. What really sets us apart from any other nonprofit organization or even foundation – is that we are focusing on post adoption resources as well as really serving as the global philanthropic arm of adoption as well as being creative and leveraging all the resources that are available including the resources in the arts & entertainment, business, technology and health and science communities. We really are trying to address the changing needs of adoptees and their families throughout the whole life cycle of the adoptee – from birth to death. We also hope that this will provide a space / platform that individuals and their families can call home by giving back to the community and getting their voices heard both on a national and global level.

George Lucas and Adoptee Night organizer Holly Bachman of Mixed Roots Foundation
We hear George Lucas is a supporter. What was his involvement?
Yes, It was amazing to hear that George Lucas had accepted our invitation to participate in our public service announcement (PSA) that will broadcast at Adoptee Night on July 24th. We interviewed him because he is an adoptive parent of three children – two girls and one boy. We hope that we can get George and his kids more involved with the Foundation as he has shared a very positive experience with his adoption and wants to do anything he can do to help others.

How can people get involved with Adoptee night?
Buy Tickets and Represent! Again, due to this being our first year – it is critical that we show the Giants that we are a community and that we have the numbers to prove it. Also, we are looking for volunteers to help hand out materials both around the stadium as well as the pregame and in the stadium as well. All materials need to focus on post adoption resources whether that is mentoring or providing activities for adoptees and their families after they adopt.

What’s next for Adoptee Night and Mixed Roots Foundation?
There are actually a couple of other organizations that have started a similar Adoptee Night event in Texas and possibly in Missouri, Minnesota and New York! That is exactly what we would like to happen. The main goal is to raise awareness about the adoption experience and how we can further support adoptees and their families.  If we can create Adoptee Night to go viral at every sports team game – that will be a true success!

As for the Mixed Roots Foundation, due to being only a year old – we really are operating on a grass roots level, so our plea is to garner as many donations as possible, so we can meet our financial goals to continue the awareness events as well as create national and global models of post adoption resources that can be replicated to positively directly impact local adoption communities everywhere.

In the Fall, we will be re-launching our charter Adoptee Mentor Program (AMP) where we match caring and positive adult adoptee mentors with children who are also adopted. We will also be officially launching the first ever Global Adoptee Genealogy Project (GAGP) where we are helping adoptees and their families discover the biological and cultural roots through DNA testing.

For those who would like to support our work, you can feel free to direct them to our website – http://www.mixedrootsfoundation.org or our Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/mixedrootsfoundation.

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Families, Adoptees, Birthfamilies gather at annual summer picnic

Dr Bliss, Barney, and happy adopteesOur annual summer picnics were a great success! Below is an account of the picnic in Los Angeles at El Dorado Park, written by Tai Farnsworth, an IAC alumni and staff writer:

On June 16th almost 200 people gathered to celebrate the joy that is adoption. Families that we created through the love of openness bonded over delicious hot dogs and tons of fabulous picnic food. Sixty adoptees ranging from 2 months old to 14 years old partook of face painting, Barney dancing, a bounce house and the famous toy raffle. There were families from every part of the adopting process, including a record 13 waiting families! We were even lucky enough to be joined by 12 different families who have adopted through the IAC more than once. Most exciting was the amount of birthfamilies that were there laughing and playing with the whole group. The IAC is so proud of their continued support of open adoption and the six birthfamilies that were represented truly shine the brightest light on our best intentions. Thank you to everyone who joined us and we hope to see all of you again next year. We’ll bring the hotdogs!

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