Edith “Edie” Falco is best known for her role as Carmela Soprano on The Sopranos but she also plays the role of a  single mom to two adopted children, ages four and eight. She talks openly and very simply to them about their adoptions. But she realizes that at their young ages neither her son or her daughter really understand it yet. For example, her son Anderson believes that all kids must be adopted. Edie plays along for now, but she realizes that soon her children will start asking more specific questions about their adoptions. When that time comes, she’ll do her best to explain the many ways families are formed and to speak from the heart.

Edie’s situation isn’t much different from other adoptive families who talk to their children about adoption. In a previous post “Discussing Adoption with School Age Children,”the importance of talking to children about their adoption is to phrase it in a way that they will understand depending on their age. It’s important to use positive adoption language and honesty when talking to children about their adoption and what it means. For more information on how to talk to children about what adoption means, read our four part blog post: “Talking to Children About Adoption.”

To read more on the article about Edie Falco, click: Edie Falco: My Kids Think Everyone is Adopted

A recent post on Justjared.com talks about the troubles Heigl has had bonding with her daughter. Not having that immediate bond with her daughter has been a struggle for Heigl, expressing that “her rejection almost broke my heart.” But Heigl’s story is not very uncommon in adoption.

Bonding with an adopted child is often a concern for adoptive parents but it’s important to know that the process isn’t always immediate, and can occur over a long period of time. It is a mental connection that comes from the experiences you share with your child, regardless of biological connection. The bonds between adopting parents and adopted child are just as strong as any bond between biological child and parent. For more insight into the bonding process and to hear from other adoptive parents read “Loving and Bonding with Your Adopted Baby.”

Dawn Davenport of Creating a Family also reports that, “…according to the Government Accountability Office, 68% of the nearly 100,000 returns claiming adoption tax credits were audited. We have no way to tell what percentage is being audited this year, but given what we are currently hearing, I would say it is running about the same as last year.” Further, the IRS claims that those who aren’t audited can expect to receive the refund in three weeks, though people are reporting longer waits. If you are audited, it is estimated to take up to 14 weeks to receive the refund.

View the full post on Creating a Family’s blog: Adoption Tax Credit Delays

I’ve been working hard at that “networking” stuff the IAC advises hopeful adoptive parents to do. I’ve been keeping our Facebook page up to date with photos and posts that show WHAT A HAPPY, LOVING, READY-FOR-A-BABY COUPLE WE ARE! I’ve been blogging here and on our adoption website. And, like many things on the internet, it can feel kind of like a black hole. (See how I’m working that space metaphor?) It’s like homework for a moderately fun class, which bares minimal relation to Cecilia’s and my desire to parent an actual baby.

That desire is deep and real and personal, and it lives on a planet of its own.

So imagine my surprise when a number I didn’t recognize popped up on my cell phone and for once it wasn’t  a wrong number or the recorded voice of Congressman Javier Becerra or the woman from Carnival Cruise Lines asking if we’d planned our next vacation.

A crazy five days ensued. I won’t go into the details, because the woman who called us is real—so amazingly, fantastically real—and she and her husband are still out there living their lives and making plans for their baby. But I will say this: We talked to them on the phone. We Skyped with them for an hour. They saw one of our cats and we saw their dog. Paws were waved.

During this time two things became clear: 1) how much we liked and respected them and 2) that this wasn’t the right situation for us.

My parents raised me to work hard and not take things for granted. So if an opportunity arises and I don’t seize it, I panic that I’ll never get another because, clearly, I must not be serious about my goals. Cecilia looks at the world differently. She likes to live in that “maybe” zone, where anything could happen. For all you Meyers-Briggs fans out there, she is the P to my J.

So you can guess how our conversations went. And they were good conversations that we needed to have—and which we probably couldn’t have had without looking adoption square in the face.

It killed me to walk away from this couple. They hadn’t officially selected us yet, and maybe they never would have, but they told us, sincerely, that they thought we would make great parents. Our families and friends have said the same thing, but to hear it from two people who meant You would make great parents for OUR BABY may be the biggest compliment we’ve ever received.

It was the opposite of what the universe had seemed to be communicating during the course of our unsuccessful fertility treatments and miscarriage. Something inside me healed a little bit more.

Of course, ultimately we’re not in this for compliments. We’re in this because we want to raise a child, and it’s hard to return to the world of waiting. But we’ll never forget the couple who made the hypothetical seem probable.

Scout and Bill adopted their daughter, Simone, just over a year ago into an open adoption through the Independent Adoption Center. Their personal experience was so positive that they decided they wanted to turn all the questions they were fielding into something more official. “Hold My Hand” was born to help hopeful parents with everything from social media outreach to nursery decorating tips. They don’t claim to be experts, but want to make an impact, “We’re not social workers or trained professionals, we’re two Dads who have been through the adoption process and want to help others through theirs.” Read more about The Guncles and their adoption mentoring service on Celebrity Baby Scoop.

Even if your child’s birthmother doesn’t want a relationship right now, it doesn’t hurt to send her a card or a gift that shows her that you are thinking about her. It’s important for her to know that you’re there if she ever wants to open up the lines of communication, afterall this is what open adoption is all about. Make sure it’s clear on the packaging that it is from you and she can choose whether she wants to open it.

If you know your child’s birthmother well or if you have an inkling that she might enjoy some of the following items, why not send something over? Here
are some ideas:

A Card or e-Card
A Letter and some photos
Gift Certificates (spas, restaurants, movies, coffee shops, clothing stores)
Flowers and candy
Jewelry
Photo album or Scrapbook
Your Child’s Artwork
Invitation to Visit
Bath Kits and/or Lotions

And, if you need advice, it would be a good idea to ask the birthgrandma or grandpa if you know them. Or, you can always call your IAC counselor. I wish you all a memorable and happy Mother’s Day and Birthmother’s day!

Read More about Birthparent and Adoptive Parent Relationships in Open Adoption:
IAC Executive Director Ann Wrixon’s Personal Open Adoption Story
Why Open Adoption Agreement?
Open Adoption Magazine
Adoption Diaries

For prospective waiting families having a Facebook page is a great way to be proactive and take charge of your adoption. While the goal is ultimately to attract the right birthparents, having a Facebook page also keeps you informed and passes time as you await the day you welcome a baby into your lives.

I want to help you to make the most of your Facebook presence so I have gathered some more tips for you as you continue to expand your network.

• Secure a unique URL. Once you acquire 25 fans (or “Likes”) you can create a username, i.e. facebook.com/username. This is a good idea because it is easier to promote your Facebook page with a short, simple, and relevant URL. Make sure to include the URL on marketing materials and emails you send out. Set your username here: facebook.com/username/




• Manage your permissions. While you are in edit mode you will see that there is a category called “Manage Permissions”. These settings allow you to control what info is shared and who can view and interact with your page. Here are the settings I recommend:





• Add the YouTube App. While in edit mode, select the Apps tab. Search for “You Tube Box” and add it to your page. Then add some of the IAC’s videos by entering the URLs in the space provided. If you have your own You Tube video add that as well. By adding this app you are allowing visitors to learn about our agency without having to leave your page.





• Link your Facebook and Twitter accounts. If you have accounts with both social mediums, it is wise to link the two. This way when you make a post on facebook, the post will also go to your twitter feed. Link your accounts here: facebook.com/twitter/




• Like every post you make. This is important because your wall now reveals posts with the most likes and comments at the top. In order to ensure that your posts are being seen in other people’s feeds, post interesting content that elicits likes and comments.




• Fill in the Info tab. Provide your contact information as well as the IAC’s websites, blogs, and toll free number. Also use the space to introduce yourself and the purpose of the page. It is a good idea to use the introduction from your Dear Birthparent Letter as a way to address potential birthparents looking at your page. You can even include other sections of your letter on the info tab – it can’t hurt. Most importantly, make it easy for them to contact you and learn more about you.

You may have also noticed that Facebook has undergone yet another change. At this point in time, the new layout is optional, but as of March 2011, all pages will convert over to the new format. In the image below I have numbered the most important changes and explained each change below.

1. The tabs have moved from the across top of the page to down the left side under the profile photo. The wall tab shows the wall as others see it, posts in order of popularity, and the admin view shows posts in chronological order.




2. Now recent photos show up at the top of the page. You can edit which ones show up by hovering over the thumbnails and clicking the “x” that shows up at in the top righthand corner. Delete photos until you have the desired ones appearing on your wall.




3. You can now elect to use Facebook as your page. It transforms your news feed, notifications, and identity into that of your page instead of your profile. The cool part is that you can switch back to your main identity at any time.




4. Facebook now allows you to choose 5 featured pages (that you Like) to appear on your page. In edit mode select the “Featured” tab. From here you can select up to 5 pages. Definitely select the IAC page, the I Heart Adoption page, and the Adoption Diaries page.

Keep in mind that Facebook is ever-evolving. These changes seem drastic, but you will be used to them in no time. These changes are undoubtedly backed by research for optimal user experience. Here is a short video that also highlights these changes:

For more information on Facebook and other social media as it relates to your adoption, read these blog posts:
http://adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/media-spotlight-part-1-of-3/
http://adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/media-spotlight-part-2-of-3/
http://adoptionhelp.org/blog/2011/media-spotlight-part-3-of-3/

Adoption Diaries originally aired on Women’s Entertainment Television on September 12, 2009. Starring Jennifer Bliss, PsyD, MSW, LCSW, a social worker at the Independent Adoption Center, the series gracefully reveals the truth of open adoption, in which the birthmother chooses and meets the adoptive family and keeps communication open throughout the child’s life. Though over 90% of domestic adoptions have some level of openness, IAC advocates fully open adoption as numerous studies have shown that open adoption is in the best interest of the child.

As the first reality show on open adoption, Adoption Diaries successfully represents the reality of open adoption. The show offers a compelling glimpse into individual perspectives. It accurately portrays the fears and anxieties of the adoption process, as well as, the immense love and gratitude felt by both birthmothers and adopting parents.

For prospective parents considering adoption, the series is both educational and heart warming. While addressing pain and hardship, each episode powerfully weaves a beautiful true-life tale of boundless love and the unflinching bond adoption creates.

Watch a preview of the Adoption Diaries TV series on our YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noTQCHzL6D0

Highlights in this issue include IAC’s prestigious recognition by the Human Rights Campaign for excellence in LGBT adoption, the launch of IAC’s birthmother support network on iheartadoption.org, and an extensive marketing update including tips and tricks for using social media for adoption networking.

This issue’s feature article, “Bridge Between Two Worlds”, written by adoptive parents Daisy and Chris Linser, explores the letdowns and excitements of the adoption process, the overwhelming experience of matching, and finally, the unconditional love that endures for their adopted son and his birthmother. An undoubtedly hallmark story on open adoption.

Next read the story of adoptive parents Ted and Martha Lee as they explain their experience with a potentially “high risk” situation that couldn’t have ended more beautifully. Their son, Owen is featured on the cover.

And then there’s the voice of our resident expert Kathleen Silber, MSW, LCSW, IAC’s Associate Executive Director and Clinical Director, providing advice on how to approach the post-adoption relationship with your child’s birthmother. In this issue we also introduce Bobby Mills, IAC’s recommended attorney in North Carolina who provides information on adoption law in that state.