“This is the mantra that has been on my mind the past few weeks. I love Dory from Finding Nemo. For all her faults, she is fearless and persistent. Surrounded by deep murky waters with unknown dangers, she doesn’t give up. Instead she hums a simple tune and keeps on swimming, trusting that everything will work out in the end. And her courage and tenacity doesn’t just help her own journey along, it also encourages Marlin to not give up hope.

So often I find myself weary of waiting. Waiting sucks! There’s really not a nicer way to describe it. We would all like to have a smooth, easy journey to parenthood, but for most adoptive couples the journey is more like a swim upstream against the current. There are disappointments, delays, and detours. There are days when it seems like it will never happen. There are days when hope is hard to find. Those are the days we especially need to take a deep breath and keep on swimming.”

To read the rest of the blog click here: Jim and Amy Hoping to Adopt

A recent post on Justjared.com talks about the troubles Heigl has had bonding with her daughter. Not having that immediate bond with her daughter has been a struggle for Heigl, expressing that “her rejection almost broke my heart.” But Heigl’s story is not very uncommon in adoption.

Bonding with an adopted child is often a concern for adoptive parents but it’s important to know that the process isn’t always immediate, and can occur over a long period of time. It is a mental connection that comes from the experiences you share with your child, regardless of biological connection. The bonds between adopting parents and adopted child are just as strong as any bond between biological child and parent. For more insight into the bonding process and to hear from other adoptive parents read “Loving and Bonding with Your Adopted Baby.”

We are thrilled to share this brand new film on families of open adoption. Produced by Pixel Fish, this film will be used to show prospective adoptive families what open adoption involves and the caring, compassionate role that the IAC plays in the process.

The participants in the film, all IAC clients and staff, share their personal stories and address the fears and realities of open adoption. By weaving these true-life stories of adoptive parents and birth parents, it is evident that, while no two stories are the same, everyone wants what is best for the child.

A big thanks to all participants who volunteered their time and beautiful stories. And thank you also, to Pixel Fish for providing their professionalism and expertise in the making of the film.

It’s important to remember that your parents are from a different generation where closed adoption and secrecy were the norm. In the past birthmothers were typically viewed negatively for being pregnant out of wedlock and for “giving away” or “abandoning” their children.

Your parents may also view the birthmother as a threat—someone who could change her mind and take away your baby, leaving you in pain. So some of their worries stem from their desire to protect you.

In reality a birthmother is much less likely to change her mind and reclaim a child if she has the peace of mind that is inherent in open adoption. In open adoption, birthparents select the adoptive parents and have an ongoing relationship with them. Birthparents know first hand that their child will have a good life.

To move past their stereotypes and fears, your parents will have to learn more about open adoption. It’s an evolutionary journey—for adoptive parents and their families. Think about what convinced you that open adoption was right for you. Was there a particular book that helped dispel any myths you had? If so, lend it to your families. Share photographs, letters and information so the birthmother becomes a real person to them. Even better would be for family members to meet her in person.

As family members learn more about open adoption, they will realize that the birthmother is not a threat. Fears and stereotypes are replaced by a loving reality.

Part 1: Fears & Myths of Openness
IAC counselor, Dr. Jennifer Bliss, talks in this radio interview about open
adoption. One of the radio hosts reveals he is adopted and was found by his
birthmother when he was 25 years old, and is now in touch with his extended
birth family including his birth nephews. Dr. Jennifer Bliss, addresses some
of the common myths and fears about open adoption. She also talks about some
of the differences between domestic and international adoption.

Part 2: Defining a Birthparent’s Role
The radio interview with IAC counselor, Dr. Jennifer Bliss, continues. Dr.
Bliss answers a caller’s concerns about a birth parent wanting the child
back after a few months or a few years. Dr. Bliss explains how seeing the
child happy and healthy in the adoptive home reassures birthparents that
they made the right decision. It does not make them want to take the child
back. She also explains the role of adoptive and birth parent in the child’s
life.

Part 3: Effects of an Open Relationship
This is the final installment of the radio interview with IAC counselor, Dr.
Jennifer Bliss. Dr. Bliss listens to the concerns of a caller who is an
adoptive mother. The caller is very concerned about the contact her now
teen-aged daughter is having with her birthmother. Dr. Bliss talks about
appropriate boundaries, and tries to offer the adoptive mother some new ways
to think about her situation. She also talks with the radio host about the
legacy of open adoption. How important it is for adoptees to be reassured by
their birthparents that they were wanted. They were not given away or given
up, rather they were placed for adoption out of great love.

Please Listen. We’d love to hear your comments!