If my life is a library, I have a whole section for adoption. Every year for my adoption day, my parents gave me a book inscribed with a message of praise and gratitude that I came into their lives. The first book I remember is a pen-and-ink picture book of a monkey at a birthday party with a trombone. And there’s the one my father read aloud to us after dinner that had my name in the first sentence. The small book of poems about nature that made me start writing. A cookbook I’ve used so much that the pages stick together with floury glue. Novels, nonfiction; cardstock, coffee table; banal, beautiful. To date I have 37 books scattered between my home and my mother’s house, each a thank you note for the miracle of adoption in our family.

Another metaphoric shelf in my library houses the books I was reading when I was unexpectedly pregnant and looking for a family for my birthson. The week after I discovered I was pregnant, I bought What to Expect When You’re Expecting, the classic book for mothers-to-be. I no longer have the book—I gave it to a friend after a few years—but I can still see the picture of the pregnant woman on the front, reading and smiling in a nursery rocking chair. I was glad to have a book about pregnancy, but felt ostracized when I couldn’t find any books that dealt with the challenges of placing a baby for adoption. At least not books with positive messages. There was a definite empty space on my shelves for books that could have helped me weather the challenges and emotions of becoming a birthmother.

So what section of the library am I in now? I’m in the waiting room. My partner and I are waiting to adopt  a baby of our own. Although it’s only been eight months, it feels like an eternity when you’re waiting for a baby. It could happen any minute. And it could happen five years from now. As we wait, the books are piling up. Our mahogany hope chest is full of baby books: two copies of Goodnight Moon, books about sea turtles to use in the bath, books about animals and trucks and children and nature and everything we want to teach our children. And books about adoption. Right now we are living in an age when people can talk about the adoption process without shame or stigma. There are books on how to talk to other people about your adoption journey, the specific challenges and joys transracial adoption brings, advice for staying in touch with your children’s birthmother, how to find adoption groups so your kids can have play dates with other adoptees, how to talk to your kids about other kinds of families.

The world has really opened up about adoption in the decades since my adoption and since my birthson’s adoption. I’m fortunate, and my children will be fortunate, to live in a time when adoption is simply one of the many ways of creating a family. In any library, you’ll find books about single parent families, grandparent families, gay families, foster families, stay-at-home parent families, divorced families, blended families… Each of us has an internal library, space for all of the stories of our lives, and more and more we can find ourselves represented on actual shelves.

I want to acknowledge everyone who has an adoption story — adoptees, birthparents, adoptive parents, family and friends. We know about joys and challenges and strength and grief and diversity and acceptance. Adoption is a library full of stories, and each story unfolds differently for each of us. May all of our adoption journeys be books that bring us peace in the present and leave a library of understanding for those who follow.

Sadie & Elizabeth Durant are waiting to adopt a baby with the Independent Adoption Center. To learn more about them, visit their open adoption website.

As we prefaced in our Winter Open Adoption Magazine, we have launched a re-designed website at http://www.adoptionhelp.org . There are many reasons for this change; foremost to keep up with technology in an effort to better serve our waiting families and potential birthparents.

We want to highlight a few points of interest:

Advanced Family Search: We have installed real-time search filters making it easier for birthparents to narrow their search to find a family that meets their needs. We also simplified the page layout in order to maximize space for family photos. More information is revealed about each family with a simple scroll over action.


Enhanced Profile Pages: We have added profile pages that enable birthparents to learn more about our families without leaving our website.

Simplified Client Resource Center: All important client information is stored in one location.

Improved Chat Features for Birthparents: We now offer a chat feature on BOTH of our websites so that potential birthparents can reach our staff while on either adoptionhelp.org or ihearadoption.org. Previously, chat was only available on iheartadoption.org.

Expert Q&A Section: Until now, AdoptionExperts.Org operated as an independent site run by IAC experts, Ann Wrixon and Kathleen Silber. Now it’s integrated into AdoptionHelp.Org to make open adoption information easily accessible to everyone.

We welcome feedback and encourage comments!

Don Paul & Preetha Bhat are an IAC family pursuing open adoption.  Don and Preetha were recently interviewed by an e-zine for South Asian mothers, called MasalaMommas. The interview touches on their challenges with conceiving and their decision to adopt.  They offer advice on infertility, a closer look into their parenting philosophy and why it was important to them to wait to have children.

Read the full interview by Anjum Choudhry Nayyar, “Conceivable Dreams: One Couple Makes the Case for Open Adoption”

Congrats to Don & Preetha for being featured!

Marisa Eide & Imran Ashraf are an IAC family pursuing open adoption. Marisa was recently interviewed by an e-zine for South Asian mothers, called MasalaMommas. It’s a great interview addressing topics such as open adoption, transracial adoption, and mixed race marriage.

Read the full interview by Anjum Choudhry Nayyar, “The Choice to Adopt: One Couple’s Cultural Journey”

Congrats to Marisa & Imran for being featured!

Meryl and sweet Baby Kyler

When we told family and friends we were adopting, many called us brave. Here are a few of the strategies that help us manage mature parenthood with grace:

#10 Say “Yes!”
When someone you trust offers to watch your little one “sometime”, schedule it! You need personal time, and mommy/daddy weekends away are essential for an amazing marriage and joyful family.

#9 Life is a Dance
A happy family loves routine. My shift is until 5:00am, attending to any cries in the night, Jonathan’s is 5:00-8:00am, and we’re together as a family, evenings. The Daddy/boy bonding is a blessing – Kyler naps on Daddy’s chest, they watch the sunrise, make breakfast, and greet a well rested, showered, yoga’d Mommy with smiles.

#8 Active Family = Happy Family
Tummy time, then Jumperoo for baby; chasing, climbing, running around the park for toddler; yoga, gym, bike, swim for you and your partner. Feel great, sleep better, and build up your stamina!

#7 Play Well With Others
Join Gymboree or Mommy and Me for the fun, and also the socialization and learning. Good for both of you.

#6 Ergonomics
By now, many of us have joints or backs that have us whimpering on occasion; consider what will make things easier. Being tall, we enjoy a taller changing table, a high-backed Dutalier glider, and an Orbit “turning” car seat. We used the Orbit bassinette latched onto the stroller as a chariot around the house when Kyler was an infant.

#5 Relaxed Mama
Weave errands and chores into playtime so that the baby’s naptime can be Mommy (and/or Daddy) time. Remember what you enjoy; read, nap, play piano, take a long bath. This ties in nicely with #10.

#4 Tai Chi
Channel your child’s energy. When he rolls on the changing table, use it to slide the diaper underneath his bottom. Then use his kicking to slip on pant legs. Beats a wrestling match! When Kyler was overtired yet wired at bedtime, we put him in the Jumperoo; he jumped and jumped and jumped until he fell asleep midair, and was easily carried to the crib.

#3 Sing Yourself Silly
When diaper changing escalates from difficult to impossible, a silly diaper song goes a long way. You can’t go wrong – the sillier, the better. Fa-la-la-la-la, et voilà. A dry diapered child. We’re trying this strategy now with toothbrushing; on a good day it works.

#2 Beat Them to the Punch
Some unthinking yet well meaning stranger is bound to ask, “so are you his, um, grandma?” Chime in on the third syllable with “…Kyler’s mommy, yes!” If you’re too late, keep your humor and remember, they could technically be right.

#1 Whatever happens, laugh.

In a recent interview Guylaine Hubbard-Brosmer, MSW (the IAC’s Co-Branch Director in LA) and another adoption professional (Vicky) discuss: “How to Prepare an Adoptive Parent Profile for Domestic Adoption”. The interview sheds light on some tips and tricks adoption agencies use to guide their families on the road to success in domestic open adoption by helping them put together an effective adoptive parent profile. The interview was conducted by Dawn Davenport who hosts a radio talk show sponsored by Creating a Family, a nonprofit organization that provides education and resources for infertility and adoption. You can listen to the interview here.

Topics that are touched upon in the interview include the types of profiles an adoptive family can create, what expecting mothers considering adoption are looking for in an adoptive family, how to make your profile stand out, things to do and things to avoid when creating your profile and much more.

Among the many interesting points Guylaine and Vicky make, the best piece of knowledge that adopting families can take away from this interview is that the most important thing you can do when creating your adoptive parent profile is to BE GENUINE and BE YOU! You will hear it over and over again, that no expecting woman considering adoption is alike and she will have her own reasons for choosing a family to raise her child. So, try to relax, be yourself & have fun creating and updating your profile.

Please share this information! To birthparents: “What made you choose the family you chose? How did you find them?” To adoptive families, “Why did your child’s birthmother say she chose you?”