To get started visit the American Red Cross for a list of nearby training courses including First Aid/CPR, Caregiving and Babysitting. They also have an extensive list of items to include in your family first aid kit. Buy extra supplies so that you can keep an extra kit in your car. They provide detailed information on everything from the flu to natural disasters. Red Cross covers all ground necessary to stay prepared. You can also find plenty of pre-packaged, kid-friendly first aid kits.

It’s also important to make you home a safe environment for kids. One Step Ahead features child safety products for home and on-the-go. For an interactive learning experience visit, KidsHealth, a website that and helps you stay informed about your child’s health and safety. It has an advice site for parents, as well as a kids and teens section that explains the importance of safety and what’s happening to their growing bodies.

It never hurts to be prepared!

Edith “Edie” Falco is best known for her role as Carmela Soprano on The Sopranos but she also plays the role of a  single mom to two adopted children, ages four and eight. She talks openly and very simply to them about their adoptions. But she realizes that at their young ages neither her son or her daughter really understand it yet. For example, her son Anderson believes that all kids must be adopted. Edie plays along for now, but she realizes that soon her children will start asking more specific questions about their adoptions. When that time comes, she’ll do her best to explain the many ways families are formed and to speak from the heart.

Edie’s situation isn’t much different from other adoptive families who talk to their children about adoption. In a previous post “Discussing Adoption with School Age Children,”the importance of talking to children about their adoption is to phrase it in a way that they will understand depending on their age. It’s important to use positive adoption language and honesty when talking to children about their adoption and what it means. For more information on how to talk to children about what adoption means, read our four part blog post: “Talking to Children About Adoption.”

To read more on the article about Edie Falco, click: Edie Falco: My Kids Think Everyone is Adopted

A recent post on Justjared.com talks about the troubles Heigl has had bonding with her daughter. Not having that immediate bond with her daughter has been a struggle for Heigl, expressing that “her rejection almost broke my heart.” But Heigl’s story is not very uncommon in adoption.

Bonding with an adopted child is often a concern for adoptive parents but it’s important to know that the process isn’t always immediate, and can occur over a long period of time. It is a mental connection that comes from the experiences you share with your child, regardless of biological connection. The bonds between adopting parents and adopted child are just as strong as any bond between biological child and parent. For more insight into the bonding process and to hear from other adoptive parents read “Loving and Bonding with Your Adopted Baby.”

I thought they were funny and savvy and sweet. I saw the musical Rent 14 times (more than any gay male I knew, just to dispel some stereotypes there) before it dawned on me that all that attractive androgyny could be mine in a slightly more female form. In other words, I had to discover a queer culture that seemed glamorous and exciting to me before I could own what I’d known about myself all along. It was almost like I had to convince myself that I’d chosen to be gay simply because it was more interesting than being straight.

Flash forward ten years. Cecilia and I get married in Vancouver. We visit our friendly neighborhood lesbian-owned sperm bank. I think, Maybe I won’t be a late bloomer this time! My over-achieving heart finds this incredibly appealing. A handful of our straight friends have kids, and we know two lesbian couples who’ve gotten pregnant on the second or third try. It all seems the same, plus or minus a couple hundred bucks for frozen sperm.

But three IUIs, one cycle of IVF and one miscarriage later, I know it’s not the same. I escalated to infertility treatment faster than any straight woman would have. In some ways, this appeased my impatience. But Cecilia and I never had the luxury of thinking, Maybe it will happen when we least expect it.

I know many infertile straight couples have wrestled feelings of inadequacy, loneliness and lack of control. (And, as the owner of a blocked fallopian tube, low progesterone, and “thick egg walls,” I can proudly count myself among the Infertiles as well as the Gays.) So maybe you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say that, instead of feeling like I’d happily chosen a more fun and edgy life than my peers, I felt like a kid who’d been pushed out of the closet—kicking, screaming and unprepared.

Cecilia and I were always open to the idea of adoption, so having non-biological kids didn’t require a paradigm shift on our part. But realizing that our lives and our family will be different from those of our friends because of it? That’s taken some adjustment. We wonder if we should have a baby shower—what if the expectant mom decides to parent at the last minute? Will it be painful to have a house full of pastel onesies and ducky blankets?

Like most gay parents-to-be, Cecilia and I have thought about the day when our child will come home from school crying because of something ugly or confusing a classmate said about having two moms. Although our family and friends are uber-supportive of our decision to become parents, our culture at large is more skeptical. I’m not talking about flat-out homophobes—I’m talking about the people who “gently” suggest that having gay parents is “a lot for a kid to deal with.” You hear a similar refrain when it comes to adoption.

And it’s true: having two moms or two dads, plus a birthmom and a birthfather, is a lot for a kid to deal with. But you know what? So is starting kindergarten. So is moving to a new house. So is losing a tooth or a pet or a grandparent or a parent. So is the birth of a new sibling or the diagnosis of a learning difference or realizing that your best friend wants to be best friends with someone else.

Life is a lot to deal with. And because new parents and pregnant couples tend to be idealistic, I suspect they don’t like to be reminded that there are certain realities they can’t protect their children from. When those challenges are known from the start—as is the case with LGBT parenting, single parenting and adoption—there’s a tendency to blame parents for bringing kids into a difficult situation on purpose. But I don’t think of it that way: The challenges you know about are the ones you can prepare for. We LGBT/single/adoptive parents can’t pretend our kids’ lives will be sheltered and easy. But I like to think that we’ll be better parents for it.

A few years ago, my friend Daisye and her partner Laura moved from Olympia, Washington—an idyllic city for hipsters, queers and other Portlandia types—to a tiny town on the Hood River. They opened a store where they sell secondhand oddities. Most of their friends and neighbors are straight and over sixty. The whole town is on a finicky septic system, and they help each other out when someone’s toilet breaks or someone’s house floods.

“We realized that we could live in Olympia for years,” Daisye told me, “or we could take a leap of faith and really embrace a different kind of life.”

Sometimes that life is a choice. Sometimes it’s not. But the embracing of it is always a choice. And when I imagine our future—birthmom dropping by, bouncing our child while she updates us about her new boyfriend or her college classes or the kids she’s raising herself—it looks like a different-kind-of-life I can love. I also know that, no matter what I imagine, the reality will be something different. And I think I can embrace that too.

If my life is a library, I have a whole section for adoption. Every year for my adoption day, my parents gave me a book inscribed with a message of praise and gratitude that I came into their lives. The first book I remember is a pen-and-ink picture book of a monkey at a birthday party with a trombone. And there’s the one my father read aloud to us after dinner that had my name in the first sentence. The small book of poems about nature that made me start writing. A cookbook I’ve used so much that the pages stick together with floury glue. Novels, nonfiction; cardstock, coffee table; banal, beautiful. To date I have 37 books scattered between my home and my mother’s house, each a thank you note for the miracle of adoption in our family.

Another metaphoric shelf in my library houses the books I was reading when I was unexpectedly pregnant and looking for a family for my birthson. The week after I discovered I was pregnant, I bought What to Expect When You’re Expecting, the classic book for mothers-to-be. I no longer have the book—I gave it to a friend after a few years—but I can still see the picture of the pregnant woman on the front, reading and smiling in a nursery rocking chair. I was glad to have a book about pregnancy, but felt ostracized when I couldn’t find any books that dealt with the challenges of placing a baby for adoption. At least not books with positive messages. There was a definite empty space on my shelves for books that could have helped me weather the challenges and emotions of becoming a birthmother.

So what section of the library am I in now? I’m in the waiting room. My partner and I are waiting to adopt  a baby of our own. Although it’s only been eight months, it feels like an eternity when you’re waiting for a baby. It could happen any minute. And it could happen five years from now. As we wait, the books are piling up. Our mahogany hope chest is full of baby books: two copies of Goodnight Moon, books about sea turtles to use in the bath, books about animals and trucks and children and nature and everything we want to teach our children. And books about adoption. Right now we are living in an age when people can talk about the adoption process without shame or stigma. There are books on how to talk to other people about your adoption journey, the specific challenges and joys transracial adoption brings, advice for staying in touch with your children’s birthmother, how to find adoption groups so your kids can have play dates with other adoptees, how to talk to your kids about other kinds of families.

The world has really opened up about adoption in the decades since my adoption and since my birthson’s adoption. I’m fortunate, and my children will be fortunate, to live in a time when adoption is simply one of the many ways of creating a family. In any library, you’ll find books about single parent families, grandparent families, gay families, foster families, stay-at-home parent families, divorced families, blended families… Each of us has an internal library, space for all of the stories of our lives, and more and more we can find ourselves represented on actual shelves.

I want to acknowledge everyone who has an adoption story — adoptees, birthparents, adoptive parents, family and friends. We know about joys and challenges and strength and grief and diversity and acceptance. Adoption is a library full of stories, and each story unfolds differently for each of us. May all of our adoption journeys be books that bring us peace in the present and leave a library of understanding for those who follow.

Sadie & Elizabeth Durant are waiting to adopt a baby with the Independent Adoption Center. To learn more about them, visit their open adoption website.

As the mother of six children — three biological, two through surrogacy and adoption, and one through open adoption — Lynn Maggio discusses how open adoption has impacted her family and why she believes in the work we do here. Her words are genuine and heartfelt — a wonderful spokesperson for the IAC!

Read also: Mrs. Alabama Supports Adoption & IAC

The list of books below can help you better understand all perspectives involved in open adoption and how to prepare for the emotions that arise before, during and after the birth of your child. We have also included a list of books on general parenting advice, including what to expect as your child develops.

Adoption Related Books:

• Arms Wide Open: An Insight into Open Adoption
• 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed
• Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
• What I Want My Adopted Child to Know
• The Family of Adoption
• The Open Adoption Experience

There are many excellent books on adoption and we have referenced just a few here. We recommend Tapestry Books, which have an excellent selection of books for everyone involved in adoption.

General Parenting Books:

• Raising Happiness
• Screamfree Parenting
• Parenting with Love and Logic
• View a more complete list Babble.com’s 50 Best Parenting Books.

And, once your baby arrives, the real fun begins! Head to the book store to find books for every stage of his/her development. If you have no idea which books are best for your child at 3 months, or 6 months, or 9 months visit Parenting.com for helpful list of books for every baby stage.

We are thrilled to share this brand new film on families of open adoption. Produced by Pixel Fish, this film will be used to show prospective adoptive families what open adoption involves and the caring, compassionate role that the IAC plays in the process.

The participants in the film, all IAC clients and staff, share their personal stories and address the fears and realities of open adoption. By weaving these true-life stories of adoptive parents and birth parents, it is evident that, while no two stories are the same, everyone wants what is best for the child.

A big thanks to all participants who volunteered their time and beautiful stories. And thank you also, to Pixel Fish for providing their professionalism and expertise in the making of the film.

Child Care Aware is also a great tool to help you find and learn about high-quality child care. There is also a section providing pages for parents to help you become more informed as a child care consumer. The National Association for Child Care is another great resource. They provide a parent section where you can look for accredited child care providers by name, city, county, state, zip code, or area code.

There is also the option of hiring a sitter or nanny. If you want to explore this route check out Sitter City. They even have resources for housekeeping and tutoring!

Don’t fret! There are a wide variety of resources to help you find experienced and trustworthy child care providers. Just starting the search early so that you have time to find the right fit for you and your child!

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Letter from the Editor: In celebration of the new year, this issue of Open Adoption offers stories of both reflection and hope. On page one, you will find a collage of IAC’s newest families, followed by exciting announcements on page two, including the Holiday Card Contest Winner. We also reveal the look of our new and improved website set to take affect in late January. For a closer look, visit adoptionhelp.org.

On page three an adoptive mother reflects on the first six months of parenthood. What begins as an unsettling hospital experience, evolves into an inspirational story of lasting bonds and life lessons.

Our feature article, on page five, is an informal discussion between an adoptive mother and father on transracial adoption. They speak from personal experience rather than expertise, and the honesty and sensitivity of their conversation is refreshing.

On page eight, we feature a class assignment by six-year-old Sophia, who wrote a beautiful depiction of her family. On page nine, get to know Ashley Garrison, the Open Adoption Counselor in Atlanta, Georgia.

On page ten, hear from resident expert Kathleen Silber as she explains how to address adoption at different ages. As always, the final pages contain up-to-date birthparent statistics and upcoming support group dates. Enjoy!

– Ann Wrixon, MSW, MBA, Executive Director