Even if your child’s birthmother doesn’t want a relationship right now, it doesn’t hurt to send her a card or a gift that shows her that you are thinking about her. It’s important for her to know that you’re there if she ever wants to open up the lines of communication, afterall this is what open adoption is all about. Make sure it’s clear on the packaging that it is from you and she can choose whether she wants to open it.

If you know your child’s birthmother well or if you have an inkling that she might enjoy some of the following items, why not send something over? Here
are some ideas:

A Card or e-Card
A Letter and some photos
Gift Certificates (spas, restaurants, movies, coffee shops, clothing stores)
Flowers and candy
Jewelry
Photo album or Scrapbook
Your Child’s Artwork
Invitation to Visit
Bath Kits and/or Lotions

And, if you need advice, it would be a good idea to ask the birthgrandma or grandpa if you know them. Or, you can always call your IAC counselor. I wish you all a memorable and happy Mother’s Day and Birthmother’s day!

Read More about Birthparent and Adoptive Parent Relationships in Open Adoption:
IAC Executive Director Ann Wrixon’s Personal Open Adoption Story
Why Open Adoption Agreement?
Open Adoption Magazine
Adoption Diaries

Birthmother’s Day is about taking the time to acknowledge the person who made your dream of becoming a family a reality. It is so important to take time out of our busy schedules to do something special and creative to express your gratitude.

So what are people doing to show birthmothers they care on this very special day? There are many birthmothers who don’t even know about Birthmother’s Day. So, a nice thing to do today would even be just calling them and wishing them well. Even the simplest of gestures goes a long way. How about making a collage, buying flowers, even sending a cute animated e-card and some pictures? What about a thoughtful letter or poem? Even if you can’t contact your child’s birthmom you can still honor her by telling your child the story of his/her adoption again, or for the first time, and answering any questions you can about their birthfamily.

As a result, most birthmothers don’t feel entitled to celebrate on Mother’s Day. Typically, they feel sad on this day when everyone is celebrating the joy of motherhood. The birthmother’s role in the child’s life is not generally acknowledged by society. Friends and family do not recognize birthmothers on Mother’s Day. People don’t send them Mother’s Day cards.

Birthmother’s Day was designated in 1990 by a group of birthmothers to acknowledge the role of birthmothers. For more information visit the BirthMomBuds website.

This day of celebration (the day before Mother’s Day) was set to help support birthmothers in acknowledging the choice they made for their child and the special role they play in their child’s life. The goal is to help birthmothers feel positive about themselves and also provide support to each other.

Some groups have special celebrations on Birthmother’s Day. For example, candle lighting, reading poems, music, etc., all honoring the role of birthmothers.

Many adoptive parents honor their children’s birthmothers on this day, too—sending flowers or a card with recent photos of their child. There are special Birthmother’s Day cards available through the BirthMomBuds website or families can create their own. If the child is old enough to participate in honoring his/her birthmother, he/she can sign the card or include a drawing or letter to go along with the card.