We are thrilled to share this brand new film on families of open adoption. Produced by Pixel Fish, this film will be used to show prospective adoptive families what open adoption involves and the caring, compassionate role that the IAC plays in the process.

The participants in the film, all IAC clients and staff, share their personal stories and address the fears and realities of open adoption. By weaving these true-life stories of adoptive parents and birth parents, it is evident that, while no two stories are the same, everyone wants what is best for the child.

A big thanks to all participants who volunteered their time and beautiful stories. And thank you also, to Pixel Fish for providing their professionalism and expertise in the making of the film.

A few red flags there, right? But Melanie had confessed excitedly to her husband that she thought this was “the one.” Her adoption counselor gently explained what was going on. Melanie was disappointed, but she felt like the experience was a rite of passage.

Flash forward to the next support group meeting. Melanie and Tim had been contacted by two more scammers. This time they were more cautious, and the group joked about how, soon, they’d be picking up the phone and snapping “Whaddayuhwant?”

By this point, Cecilia’s and my profile had gone live, and I’d been checking the Gmail account we’d linked to it every day. All we had to show for our efforts was one piece of spam. Not an adoption scam—just regular old Viagra spam.

Everyone says that the longer you wait, the more you’ll start wondering, What’s wrong with us? Why are other people adopting before we do? What I didn’t expect was to envy people who’d been contacted by a fake birthmother.

Melanie and Tim are an attractive couple with a witty profile. Were Cecilia and I not cute enough? Were our Halloween costume photos not as cool as Melanie and Tim’s? Did our profile make us seem poor, and therefore bad targets for extortion?

A few weeks later, our lonely little inbox had an email with the subject line “bady for adoption.” I’d been hoping for a baby, but hey, maybe a bady would do. The emailer explained that she’d gotten pregnant and been dumped by her boyfriend. She’d given birth already (red flag #1) and was currently living in the street, but wanted to go back to school. She didn’t give any specifics about her daughter (red flag #2) or say anything about what drew her to our profile (red flag #3) or ask any questions (red flag #4—but maybe some people are just rude?).

As a finishing touch, she’d attached two baby photos that appeared to be lifted straight from a JC Penney catalog. You could even see that some kind of logo had been half cropped from the bottom (giant, enormous, comical red flag).

But, well, the baby was really cute. As most child models are.

I did what I was supposed to do: I sent a short, polite reply empathizing with her situation and encouraging her to call the IAC; forwarded the email to our adoption counselor; and notified an intake counselor. I congratulated myself on not getting fooled, even as a tiny part of me hoped that soon we’d be laughing with our birthmother about how we’d initially mistaken her email for a scam. We would bounce our insta-baby and discuss putting the money from her JC Penney shoot in a college savings account.

It’s been a week since that email, and I haven’t heard back from the alleged expectant mother, so I guess she’s moved on. I was sort of hoping she would email back, if only to ask us to wire her money for tuition. I guess I liked playing the part of actual adoptive parent as much as she liked pretending to have a baby for us.

Next time, I hope neither we nor the woman contacting us will be just going through the motions. In the meantime, I’ll comfort myself with the knowledge that our profile is out there in the world—where, as every parent knows, all sorts of good and bad realities await.

Click image to download

Letter From the Editor: The articles in this issue of Open Adoption are warm and inspiring, helping us welcome another holiday season. We celebrate IAC’s newest families on page one and announce holiday party dates and new staff on page two. The holiday season at IAC also includes our annual holiday break and Adoption Awareness Month and that is detailed on page two and 16 respectively.

On page three an adoptive mother writes a letter to her son, Jared, recounting the events that formed their family. On page four, we introduce Gia, and the series of events that brought her adoptive mothers and her birthmother together. Both stories reveal tiny details that lead to miraculous outcomes, and how fate plays a role in open adoption.

Our feature article is a birth story told from three perspectives. It’s not often that all sides of a story are told, but on page seven, the birth of Chloe Star is recounted by her adoptive mother, her birthmother, and her birthfather. Respect, admiration, and friendship are common themes in all three stories, proving the strength of their open relationship and the immense amount of love that brought Chloe into the world.

In our Staff Profile, you will meet Lauren Favorite, our Adoptive Parent Intake Coordinator in Atlanta, Georgia. Aside from welcoming perspective adoptive parents to the IAC, she has quite a few interesting hobbies. Learn about these hobbies and more on page 13.

On page 14, hear from resident expert Kathleen Silber as she addresses a unique situation your child may encounter in school. As always, the final pages contain up-to-date birthparent statistics and upcoming support group dates. Happy Holidays!

~ Ann Wrixon, MSW, MBA, Executive Director

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

This morning the TODAY Show featured a story that helps reveal the impact of social media on adoption. The video clip above explains how an adoptive mother and her daughter used Facebook to find the woman who placed her for adoption 19 years ago. After contacting her birthmother and meeting her for the first time, she explains how her life has changed. Also interviewed in the segment, is Adam Pertman, the Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. He states that social media’s role in adoption in real and growing. The transparency of information across social media has initiated new research into what, if any, adoption policies should be adjusted and how to define best practices in adoption.

Even if your child’s birthmother doesn’t want a relationship right now, it doesn’t hurt to send her a card or a gift that shows her that you are thinking about her. It’s important for her to know that you’re there if she ever wants to open up the lines of communication, afterall this is what open adoption is all about. Make sure it’s clear on the packaging that it is from you and she can choose whether she wants to open it.

If you know your child’s birthmother well or if you have an inkling that she might enjoy some of the following items, why not send something over? Here
are some ideas:

A Card or e-Card
A Letter and some photos
Gift Certificates (spas, restaurants, movies, coffee shops, clothing stores)
Flowers and candy
Jewelry
Photo album or Scrapbook
Your Child’s Artwork
Invitation to Visit
Bath Kits and/or Lotions

And, if you need advice, it would be a good idea to ask the birthgrandma or grandpa if you know them. Or, you can always call your IAC counselor. I wish you all a memorable and happy Mother’s Day and Birthmother’s day!

Read More about Birthparent and Adoptive Parent Relationships in Open Adoption:
IAC Executive Director Ann Wrixon’s Personal Open Adoption Story
Why Open Adoption Agreement?
Open Adoption Magazine
Adoption Diaries

Download the full version here.
Recent events in Japan have reminded me of the importance of staying connected with friends and family. Myself and a few other IAC staff members have special connections with people in Japan whose lives have been heavily affected by these occurrences. How fortunate we are to have resources like the Internet and social media networks to keep us connected and up-to-date on what is going on in our world and what is happening to the people who are so important to us.

Open adoption is about staying connected. Sometimes we don’t even realize how important someone is to us, or how important someone will become, unless we keep a positive outlook and open mind. This means welcoming any opportunity to share your plans to adopt in a genuine and appropriate manner. Jennie Hurley addresses this in her networking success story on page 9, “Marketing Your Adoption Plan with an Open Heart.”

This also means welcoming your child’s birthmother as a unique extension of your family. Her existence to you is filled with every ounce of love that you have, or will have, for our child. And, she will always love him just as much. In the feature article, “…One Love” on page 5, readers will glimpse into the powerful connection between a birthfamily and adoptive family. The voices of the birthmom (Meryah Maddock) and adoptive mom (Wendy Crawford) are woven together in this surprising and heartwarming adventure.

Before we hear from IAC families, readers will get to see the “newest families” and IAC news and events. And, in “Marketing Force” on page 3, we’ll reveal the faces behind the IAC Marketing Department and find out what makes them tick.

We’ve saved the best for last, so on page 10, hear from resident expert Kathleen Silber. She shares some incredibly valuable information about how to approach the hospital experience of your child’s birth. There’s no better time to reinforce your connection with your child’s birthmother. As always, the final pages will supply updates on birthparent statistics, Open Adoption article submission information and the upcoming support group calendar. Enjoy!

For previous issues of Open Adoption Magazine visit our archives at http://www.adoptionhelp.org/news/newsletter

Your child/ren will learn to speak about their adoption based on the words they hear you using, so it’s important to use the correct terms from the beginning. It’s also important to talk to your friends and family about positive adoption language so they will know the correct terms to use as well. This will help them not only be good examples for your child, but will also put their minds at ease as to what the correct terms are to use. It can also take away any uncomfortable feelings they might have when talking to you and your family about adoption.

Some examples of positive adoption language are using the word “place” instead of “give up” when referring to your child’s birthparent’s choice to make an adoption plan. You usually “give up” things that are bad-you give up smoking, drinking, gambling, etc. Using that term could make your child think they are bad and that’s why they were “given up”. If instead you use “placed for adoption”, it acknowledges the loving, thoughtful choice that the birthparents made to find the perfect family for their child. Some other terms to keep in mind are: “parenting” vs. “keeping”; “birthmother” and “birthfather” vs. “real parents”; and “adoptee” vs. “adopted child”.

Birthmother’s Day is about taking the time to acknowledge the person who made your dream of becoming a family a reality. It is so important to take time out of our busy schedules to do something special and creative to express your gratitude.

So what are people doing to show birthmothers they care on this very special day? There are many birthmothers who don’t even know about Birthmother’s Day. So, a nice thing to do today would even be just calling them and wishing them well. Even the simplest of gestures goes a long way. How about making a collage, buying flowers, even sending a cute animated e-card and some pictures? What about a thoughtful letter or poem? Even if you can’t contact your child’s birthmom you can still honor her by telling your child the story of his/her adoption again, or for the first time, and answering any questions you can about their birthfamily.