Good Housekeeping Magazine, May 2012

In a recent interview with Good Housekeeping, actress Mariska Hargitay reveals her painful adoption journey that eventually led to two successful infant adoptions, just six months apart.

She discusses various defining moments in the adoption process; the dreaded wait, the instant bond formed with a birth mother, the heartbreak of an unlikely adoption reclaim, considering transracial adoption, the magical birth and hospital experience, and how “worth it” everything seems in the end.

Her story is all too often true for couples and individuals waiting to adopt. But what begins as months or years of what feels like relentless struggle, can change in a moment’s notice. Suddenly what felt so far is curled up in your arms and you revel in the euphoria of a dream come true.

For those interested in adopting, it is important to research types of adoption services are available. The most successful adoptions are those where both parties are well informed and firmly committed to the best interests of the child. At the IAC, our licensed social workers prepare adoptive parents for the uncertainties of adoption, including how to avoid high risk situations. We ensure that both adoptive parents and birth parents are comfortable with any situation they enter into and we mediate these situations so that everyone’s needs are met. In rare situations where an adoption reclaim occurs — when the birth mother decides she wants to parent shortly after the child has been placed in the adoptive parents’ home — we are there to provide as much support as needed so that the couple or individual can push forward and pursue a successful adoption.

Read the full interview with Mariska Hargitay, “My Faith Pulled Me Through”

Read the summary on Celebrity Babies, “Mariska Hargitay: Adoption Is Not for the Faint of Heart”

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Letter from the Editor: In celebration of the new year, this issue of Open Adoption offers stories of both reflection and hope. On page one, you will find a collage of IAC’s newest families, followed by exciting announcements on page two, including the Holiday Card Contest Winner. We also reveal the look of our new and improved website set to take affect in late January. For a closer look, visit adoptionhelp.org.

On page three an adoptive mother reflects on the first six months of parenthood. What begins as an unsettling hospital experience, evolves into an inspirational story of lasting bonds and life lessons.

Our feature article, on page five, is an informal discussion between an adoptive mother and father on transracial adoption. They speak from personal experience rather than expertise, and the honesty and sensitivity of their conversation is refreshing.

On page eight, we feature a class assignment by six-year-old Sophia, who wrote a beautiful depiction of her family. On page nine, get to know Ashley Garrison, the Open Adoption Counselor in Atlanta, Georgia.

On page ten, hear from resident expert Kathleen Silber as she explains how to address adoption at different ages. As always, the final pages contain up-to-date birthparent statistics and upcoming support group dates. Enjoy!

– Ann Wrixon, MSW, MBA, Executive Director

Marisa Eide & Imran Ashraf are an IAC family pursuing open adoption. Marisa was recently interviewed by an e-zine for South Asian mothers, called MasalaMommas. It’s a great interview addressing topics such as open adoption, transracial adoption, and mixed race marriage.

Read the full interview by Anjum Choudhry Nayyar, “The Choice to Adopt: One Couple’s Cultural Journey”

Congrats to Marisa & Imran for being featured!

2. Wash Weekly, Not Daily: Curly African textures tend to be dryer and less oily than European hair so it requires fewer washings. Washing one to two times per week is sufficient.

3. Your Hair Care Products Won’t Do
The hair care regime that helps you maintain your magnificent mane will wreak havoc on your child’s curly locks. There are several fantastic products on the market specifically formulated for black hair. You may need to experiment to see which products work best for your child. But here is a short list of products that have worked well with my daughters and their friends. They are also staples at many black salons.

• Pantene Pro-V Relaxed and Natural shampoo and conditioner
• Mane n Tail shampoo and conditioner
• Luster’s Pink Hair Lotion (For daily moisturizing. Yes, you must moisturize the hair daily)
• Organic Root Stimulator Shampoo Creamy, Replenishing Conditioner and Hair Lotion.
• Optimum Care Anti Breakage Therapy Leave in Strengthener (my favorite!!!) This miracle worker detangles like a dream making comb outs virtually effortless. I use it daily on my little ones.

4. Learn To Braid and Cornrow: Braiding and cornrowing are styling options that are ideal for our hair texture and it helps keep the shaft and ends protected from the cold temperatures and the damaging sun. If you find cornrowing and braiding too difficult to master, twisting the hair will accomplish the same thing. If you go to YouTube you will find several tutorials on how to cornrow, braid and twist as well as several styling options. It’s easy to get overwhelmed on YouTube. My advice to you is simply this: if it looks bizarre to you then it probably is. Look for cute, classy and easy styles that are tailored to your child’s hair length and complimentary to her personality.

5. Avoid Relaxers Like the Plague: Relaxers may sound like an easy out, but they do more harm than good. Relaxers weaken the hair, diminish elasticity and cause breakage. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not telling you the truth.

6. Avoid Demeaning Language: The most important advice I have to offer you has nothing to do with the actual care of your angel’s hair but the language you use when you refer to it. Many African American children grow up feeling insecure about their hair because it is so different from Europeans and can be more challenging to care for. For that reason, shy away from using terms that might feed into those insecurities. Hard to manage, stubborn, nappy, wild and unruly are just a few of the terms that should never be used. Your child will know that her hair tangles easily so you really do not need to reiterate that. Look for positive attributes about your child’s hair and lavish her with affirmations that will build her up and make her feel good about her God given hair.

Keep in mind that it’s ok to seek assistance from African Americans in your network. They would be honored to help just as I am and you will spare yourself a lot of worry and stress.